Believe
by ShutupnRead
Summary: Bella and Edward lived together for 3 years as orphans before she's adopted and moves away. Years after they've stopped writing, his father gets a call from a worried doctor after admitting a 16 year old girl with a history of abuse. Is she beyond saving?
1. Be lie ve

**I don't own Twilight, but I do own this plot. This is a deeper sort of story I want to develop than most romances and I hope you enjoy it**

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Isabella,

I hate you. You ruined my life. You took all of my happiness away. I hate you, never write to me again.

I hate you,

Edward

I stared down quietly at the letter my brother had sent to me. I'd been so excited, so happy. His letters were all I had left. Had I been wrong? Should I have told him the truth? No, then I would've erased all chances of his happiness completely. It was better this way I told myself, it was better that he didn't know.

I folded the letter away in my box before I could get tear stains all over it. He hated me, but I would save it anyways. They were his words, his feelings, all neatly printed for me to read forever.

There was a soft scratch at the door just as I locked up the little treasure box of letters from Edward and I turned tearfully to see who it was. Silently, I sent a prayer to God, hoping no one was there, or it was the cat. When it cracked open though, his shadow filled the room.

There is no god.

Only this demon's smile, this ancient touch, his bloodthirsty eyes. My tears dried on my cheeks and I watched silently as he approached like the darkest of shadows from the night. Only, it was a bright day outside. Comfortably warm even. So who was this cruel man with his hands running over my body?

Life goes on.

The world moves without you. Even as I was lifted and carried to my bed, I could not stop staring outside. Did it make any sense for it to be sunny outside right now? For the sky to be ocean blue, white clouds of innocence, lush rolling green hills. Everything was bright and vibrant with life, people laughed and smiled.

Yet inside, I was dying. Slowly I could feel myself rotting away, flaking into pieces like my clothes that covered the floor. His hands slid over my child's body and his lips cracked into a joker's grin as he leered down at me.

It was all wrong. There should be thunder and lightning outside, people screaming bloody murder, a forbidding eclipse of the sun in the sky; not this, this serenity. It didn't make any sense. Better yet, this shouldn't be happening to me at all.

I heard his zipper go down like a too loud fly buzzing around a rotting carcass, and denim coiled on the carpeted floor; joining his shirt. I wanted to cry, but no tears would come. Everything was dry inside of me. I had a feeling if I cried, it would only be dust.

His hands dug painfully into my sides and I winced as he slid inside me. The world should be bursting into flame; the earth should have split into pieces and welcomed hordes of demons. Instead my eyes trained on the sunlit fields beyond the window where everything was unfair and unequal.

I ignored the rhythmic beating outside my body, the pain that felt as if it were splitting me in half. I felt like I was dying. But I would wake up tomorrow. I felt like I was being torn to pieces. But my body was whole. I felt like there should be some torrential storm raging to rival Armageddon outside. But it was beautiful. I felt like a lot of things.

But nothing changed.

When he was finished, he swept the hair back from my face and kissed my forehead, murmuring praise for my obedience. He dressed himself over again and then went to the adjoining bathroom where I heard him start to fill the tub.

He came back and gave me a snake's smile as he scooped me up again, carrying me to the bathroom with him this time as he slid me into the tub.

"Be a good girl Bella and wash up, your uncles and cousins are coming to visit and we're going to go out tonight. So you've got look extra nice okay?" he asked in that sickeningly sweet voice. He sounded so genuinely concerned if I hadn't been the one in the room with him five minutes ago, I'd never believe he could do something like that.

Instead, I just nodded my head and sank under the water when he left. I tried stretching out in the tub but my body ached and I clutched my knees to my chest, clenching my body together as I stewed in the water.

I didn't want them to come. One was enough wasn't it? Why did I have to suffer so much? But I knew that wasn't how things were decided. There was no scale of good and bad. Life wasn't about being fair, it was about luck. Some people had it, some people didn't. Then there were the few extremes on each end who suffered endlessly, and those who never fell even when they tripped.

It was my bad draw that I was living this way. I'd underestimated my luck. It wasn't like I'd had it particularly good in the first place, but youthful naiveté had made me think things couldn't get any worse.

Things could always get worse.

I sank completely under the water and felt my hair hover around me like seaweed in a reef. I wished it would choke me. It only drifted about aimlessly in the water and I wondered what it would be like to drown. To just let myself stay under until my body stopped needing air altogether.

I tried, but it didn't work. My body knew air was close and I continued to float to the top. Drowning hurt too much. I settled for washing my hair and massaging away all the negative thoughts until my mind was a blank nothing. I floated there in the water and the soapy bubbles strayed where they wanted before I plunged under again, this time only to rinse my hair.

When I drained the tub I started a cold shower and rinsed my hair again, then washed my body, careful around the tender areas. By the time I got out, I was beginning to prune up and I dug through the drawers for my things.

Without drying off I sprayed myself with a body splash bottle, covering myself from the neck down in strawberry scent. It was something I was asked to do, and you didn't tell the devil no. Once I'd patted myself dry I slipped into clean panties and looked through my wardrobe.

Suffering was relative.

Raped or molested or abused, whatever you wanted to call it, it was evened by the care that went into keeping me happy. Or at least quiet. He figured we were even if he pampered me like this and I was in no position to tell him otherwise.

Plenty of other girls would kill to be in my place after all. I lived in a nice home, ate three good meals a day, had the best clothes, all the toys I wanted, private tutors, and my own TV and computer. All this at the age of nine.

Actually, I'd received it all when I was only seven, so you could say I was spoiled. Sort of. I wondered if other people might look at me and be jealous. Was it wrong that I wished I could trade places with a girl in the slums? At least then this all might make sense to me. Dirty surroundings, poor home life, violent streets. Then at least this sort of activity would fit in.

Instead I pulled out a midnight blue, square neck, a-line, basque-waist dress and slipped the silk over my skin. The description alone was irritating, but I found my aunts enjoyed trying to taunt the pauper turned princess by asking me questions about what I wore and what I did. I forced myself to study styles and trends as well as politics and business markets.

Usually a nine year old didn't do these things. But I was not permitted to leave the house, and playing with toys usually involved more than one person. Cartoons lost their flavor to me once I'd moved here, and there wasn't much to do on the web but look things up. I was a wealth of random knowledge and facts.

The bottom of the dress was cropped to mid calf and I found a pair of black glossy flats to put on as well. I found blue sapphire earrings and set them aside with a black and blue stone necklace. After some digging, I found some rubber-bands and set to work on a three part braid that way when my hair dried it would be nice and wavy.

And I still had hours of time. I hated being idle. Sitting around gave me too much time to think and I was afraid my head might explode if I thought about everything I had to think about. So I shoved those thoughts away and dove into a pile of menial tasks to occupy myself with.

I was becoming very good at not thinking. It was better when I didn't anyways. I stripped the blankets and sheets from my bed and dragged them to the laundry room down stairs, carefully not thinking about why they had to be washed.

It had only taken me ten minutes. I wanted to cry again as I felt that phantom inside my chest squeeze hard on my heart again. It clutched at me like a drowning man clutched a life preserver. It made it hard to breathe.

I sat down in the laundry room and curled up again, one hand fisting against my chest, willing the pain to go away as I squeezed my eyes shut. I wasn't sure if I was trying to stop myself from crying or trying to force them out.

Unfortunately, even in as much emotional pain as I seemed to be, my mind went back to the letter. He hated me. He would never write to me again. Two years of letters, of a fragile sort of happiness, shattered. People always told me I was a horrible liar.

They were wrong.

I lied enough to make him hate me. Lied enough that he never wanted to talk to me again. Had I really taken away his happiness? If I did, I didn't know where it was. It certainly wasn't with me. If I had his happiness I would give anything in the world to return it to him. I didn't want him to be unhappy. That was why I lied.

Every letter I ever sent him was wrong. I wasn't happy here. I wasn't having the time of my life. The huge, vacant mansion wasn't like a fairy tale. I didn't have hundreds of friends at my new school. Every word between Edward and Bella was a lie.

Reading his letters had made me happy though. Was that what had happened? Had I unwittingly sapped away all of his happiness through the letters he wrote me? If so I was sorry. If there was any way I could give that happiness I would.

I thought if he thought I was happy, he would be happy too, the way his happiness made me happy. Maybe it didn't work that way. Maybe I was flipping two coins instead. He wasn't my brother by blood. But we'd lived happily together for three years. The family bond had been there. For me at least.

When the devil came to take me away, we promised to write every day, to never forget each other. For two years I kept my promise, writing to him every day, often using several sheets of paper when they were ruined by tears. Who'd believe my letter when it was covered in tears? I was supposed to be happy.

I wished I'd never been adopted by this cruel man, but just as evilly, I didn't wish my parents hadn't died. If they hadn't, I never would have met Edward. Maybe this was retribution. A sort of eye for an eye thing. I either wished my parents were alive, and never got to meet Edward, or I wished they had died and had him hate me two years later.

It was cruel of me, but I would rather he hate me than not know me at all. I couldn't imagine that sort of life. Finally, the tears came again. I tipped my head back against the wall and let them fall silently. My body shook with the sobs and every muscle ached.

I curled up on my side and cried, a high pitched whine leaving my lips, nearly on par with that of a dog whistle. I lay for a long time, thinking, remembering.

Then Aro came for me, and it was time for dinner. Time to be touched by this unnatural adult, to be beaten black and blue by his brother, and finally, comforted by the other. A vicious circle on an eternal loop that I would continue to live. Yet, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Because that would mean not meeting Edward. I was only nine, and I knew I loved him more than the ocean was deep and all of those other sappy lines. I knew to the bottom of my soul I would rather have met him once and left to suffer, than to have never met him at all.

It was okay that I suffered. That I cried. That I was alone. It was okay that he hated me, because at least he knew me. I wanted him to hate me. It meant he would never worry. He'd never think about where I was, what I was doing, if I was okay. It was better that he hated me. It was better I had lied.

That's what I made myself believe for seven years.

Because the best part of believing, is the lie hidden inside.

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**Please review your thoughts on this, I really want to know what you think about it. It's my first time trying something like this and I wouldn't appreciate anything you have to say really.**


	2. Instincts

**Thank you everyone who reviewed and favorited this story, I really appreciate it. The next chapter should be up today. **  
**Bella's sixteen now**

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"Bella, this is your fourth procedure this year, you're still so young," the doctor warned me, his eyes pitying. "I don't think your body can take much more of this."

I cocked my head to the side curiously, balanced on the edge of the exam table. "What's the worst that can happen?" I asked carefully, my voice monotone.

"Well, the damage done to your cervix already, if I invade again it might render you infertile for the rest of your life. At worst, you could suffer from infection, organ failure, and die somewhat painfully. Your body isn't equipped to deal with such a traumatic procedure so many times. It's beginning to take its toll," he sighed, shaking his head.

I could die? That was the worst he could come up with? I sort of hoped it would kill me. Maybe then all of this would end. There was nothing waiting for me in the afterlife either. I'd just been going on with the flow of whatever happened, existing just barely.

I was nearing sixteen and this was my fourth abortion this year alone. I knew the doctor was right. After every procedure, my chance of getting an infection and getting sick increased. My immune system was weakening. I was becoming anemic and it was getting harder and harder to eat and keep food down. The doctor brought that point up next.

"Your body is already beginning to shut down. You've been losing weight at an alarming rate and your body is showing signs of malnutrition. You're also beginning to present signs of severe anemia and your body is decreasing production of important antibodies and other fluids.

"If I don't have the abortion, I'll be killed anyways," I said calmly. "Please don't concern yourself with these details doctor and just do it," I gave him a cold smile. "I don't want my guardian getting angry with you over this. I'm sure you have your own problems to deal with, don't let a stranger interrupt that."

He seemed to hesitate a moment but rethought it in the face of the threat Aro presented to him. The Volturi's influence was international. To make an enemy of them was to turn the whole world against you. People just bowed their heads and did as they were told when the Volturi was involved.

"Alright then take off your clothes and get ready, I suppose you know the drill by now," he said awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck as if nervous.

"Don't worry doctor, everything will be fine I assure you," I breathed. "Just do what I tell you and no one will complain."

He nodded and left the room for my modesty. As if I had any. My fourth abortion this year and it was only June. This didn't count the numerous others I had the years before. My first reaching back to the age of eleven.

You could say I was intimate with the hospital staff too. Not just for the numerous abortions, but Caius had a cruel temper. I was often admitted for concussions, fractures, broken bones, head trauma, and stitches.

At sixteen I was a plethora of internal trauma like nobody else. I stripped out of my clothes and changed into the thin cover. The floor was cold on my feet but these days I was numb to pretty everything. It was an acquired talent after years of physical and sexual abuse. You either went numb or you went crazy.

Sometimes I wondered if I wasn't both.

When the doctor came back in I wrapped my arms around my stomach. "Do you think there's still time to do a menstrual extraction?" I asked carefully, concentrating on the developing life inside of me. I was a murderer. A serial killer even. How many unborn babies had I killed now? I couldn't even remember. I hadn't wanted to count them.

"I'm afraid you're a bit too far into term for it to work," the doctor claimed, rubbing his eyes. "We're going to have to use a D&C," he said. I shook my head.

"Couldn't we do a suction aspiration instead?" I asked. "You've said yourself there's already a lot of damage done to my cervix right?" I added softly. I felt nothing for whoever had impregnated me this time, but I loved every child my body harbored. It was amazing that my body could even create life when I myself was so dead inside.

I was angry about the special birth control I'd been put on that left me with a period only four times a year. It was harder to know if I was pregnant or not with it. Its effectiveness was lost on the fact that I rarely actually took them because I hated pills.

"I'd rather not have to put you under an anesthetic if I can help it after all of your present medical conditions Bella," he sighed.

"I don't care. At twelve weeks the fetus can cry and feel pain. I'll not have you hacking him or her to pieces with that knife," I replied. Usually I was more or less a zombie at home. I didn't care what happened to me. But whenever it came to abortion I had opinions again. It was never something I would condone, but death had to be better than letting be born around Aro and his family.

I would suffer alone.

I'd been doing it for years.

"If it's all the same to you, this is my fucked up body and I'll do whatever I want to it," I said narrowly, daring him to contradict him. He gave in after a few more moments of silence.

"Alright then, I'll go prepare the anesthetic, far be it from me, your doctor, to try to keep you alive," he drawled sarcastically.

I lay back on the bed and let myself drift off into the zen area of my mind I usually retreated to. Before I knew it, I was unconscious to the scent of strawberries. I hated that smell now, it made me wanted to wretch.

When I woke up, I was no more sore than I usually was. Still I felt empty inside somehow, hollowed out. Just another piece of my soul carved away. I cried for the loss of life while the doctor went to fetch me a bottle of water and I forced myself to sit up, curling up on myself.

"Now, do you remember the rules?" he asked, handing me the water bottle and a little paper cup of antibiotics.

I nodded silently, wiping my eyes. "Drink a lot, rest, no swimming, baths, exercise, heavy lifting, or sex for two weeks. Take all of my antibiotics and wear fitted bras until I'm sure I'm not lactating anymore. Trust me, I could get a license in this myself by now," I said.

"Alright, he's outside waiting for you," he said bitterly. "Here are the pills I want you to take. Come back in two weeks for your check up please," he said, passing me the bag. He looked apologetic, sad even as he let me go, but there was nothing he could do really. Nothing anybody could do.

I dressed myself again and headed back outside to the waiting room, facial expressions gone. Aro sat in the uncomfortable waiting chair like a king and flowed to a standing position with downright scary grace when he saw me leaving.

His silvery hair was pulled back with a clip and he was dressed smartly in a black suit with red tie and kerchief in the pocket- ever the businessman. "I trust everything went well Isabella?" he questioned, pulling me along with him outside.

"I'll need a new doctor soon, he's getting attached as well," I answered calmly.

This was why I preferred to think of him as just "the doctor." It let me put my own space between us. After enough visits, they got too worried to act with the proper discretion the Volturi demanded. Silencing one golden hearted doctor was cake for him and I didn't want any more of them being destroyed. This was my own burden.

"Ah, I'll file for the transfer after your check up then," Aro clucked, guiding me outside. "When we get home I want you on bed rest for the next two weeks. I called Heidi and she'll be home to act as your personal maid if you should need anything. The only time you should leave is for the bathroom or a shower," he instructed briefly.

"We've also stocked up on sorts of natural juices and water and plenty of fresh produce to eat. After our last consult with the doctor though, I expect you to improve your protein and calorie intake via any means necessary. It reflects upon me badly when my own daughter looks so malnourished," he shook his head, unlocking the doors to the black Rolls Royce gleaming in the parking lot.

"Thank you father, I apologize for the inconvenience," I said solemnly, staring out the window. "I'll have cake when I wake up then after we get home," I added as he sped toward the sprawling manor resting alone for miles.

I was helped all the way up the stairs and then left to change into pajamas and told to go straight to bed. I didn't mind. I had two weeks off. Killing the babies was painful, but was it so wrong of me to feel relieved afterward because no one could touch me for two weeks?

These days I took peace however I could get it.

While I was in the middle of pulling on the silky pajamas I kept on hand for spending days in bed, burly arms wrapped around my waist and lips climbed from my neck to my ear to speak. I shivered, repulsed by the touch and tried to twist away.

Instead I was thrown onto the bed with Felix's body hovering over mine.

I gazed at him coolly. "Doctors orders, no sex for two weeks, you know that Felix," I chided, voice flat. "Father will kill you if he finds you in here like this," I added. I was not above using anything at my disposal to be left alone anymore.

"Relax princessa, I'm not going to touch you," he whispered, his breath hot on my face as he leered down at me. "After all, that's what you're after right?" he asked with a sadistic grin.

I felt my blood run cold at his words.

The implication was there but I feigned ignorance. I was a practiced liar by now after all. I pretended an innocence I had lost so long ago. Innocent me did not know what he was talking about, could not fathom the venom laced in his speech. The young child that had been shattered to pieces didn't know how to deceive, how to be cutthroat.

My eyes widened, and my lips parted as my breath shortened. I gaped up at him stupidly. "What are you talking about Felix?" My eyes filed with crocodile tears. I was surprised they weren't black. "Do you think I enjoy killing an innocent life every time this happens?" I asked, my voice cracked and mangled.

"I don't know about enjoying it, but it certainly doesn't seem to be stopping you any now does it?" he hissed, a snake's tongue darting out, tasting for my lies and finding them sitting bittersweet in the air.

My tears dried to salt on my cheeks and I looked up at him as I would a particularly boring stone sitting in my path. My tongue traced my lips, wetting them to distract from my falsehoods as golden eyes narrowed in on the tiny pink muscle of flesh. His expression was hungry and he pressed heavily against me until I could I could feel the entire length of him slowly crushing the air from my body.

I sucked in an uncomfortable breath and spoke, my chest pressed up against his tightly as I tried to keep my lungs inflated.

"If I could stop it I would," I whispered. "You've felt me already, disintegrating in your very hands. Becoming a murderer so many times over that it's killing me inside. Literally." I glare up at him and watch my words land blow for blow and he eases up the pressure on my fragile frame and I suck in much needed air.

"I don't believe you," he spits, eyes dark. "The pill is nearly one hundred percent effective and yet it fails time after time to prevent your pregnancy." He was cutting closer to the truth and I wondered just how long these thoughts have been brewing in his mind.

Aro doted on me like a perverted father. He found nothing suspicious despite the years I'd been under his care. I'd been in Felix's sight only in recent years, and yet he's picked up on my game so soon. I draw up my mental walls and hood my eyes carefully, staring at him carefully. I analyze everything.

When had he become so smart? I expected Demetri before I did him. His brother was the one praised for intelligence and strategy. We played chess sometimes and I gambled my body on a single game.

Had I been too consumed with watching the immediate threat that I did not see the shadow rising behind me? Felix was a physical man; a beast in human form. In a past life he was most likely a barbarian- pillaging and raping as he pleased. He destroyed because he could, because it was fun.

"When I first saw you, I thought maybe you were just another broken doll for my uncle to play with," he whispered, his body moving over mine, giving in to the temptation. "Empty little glass eyes, porcelain bruised skin, always doing as you were told," he listed, aggression licking over his body as lust overpowered rational thought.

Every breath I took brushed my breasts with his chest. Every adjustment of my leg stroked along his groin for but a second. Whenever my chapped lips went dry and my tongue darted out to nourish them, his eyes followed and his lips parted, his breath hot and heavy. An acrid taste of desert air.

Was it rape if I brought it on myself? Was it wrong for me to push him into temptation when he came too close to my secrets? I didn't want this; didn't want him, but I sang to him anyways out of self preservation. I picked the lesser of the two evils. Or perhaps I jut picked the more familiar evil. Better the devil you know than the one you don't want to face right?

"But maybe not everything as you were told," he rushed, his body grinding down against mine, shaking as he held his body back. How strong was his mind? How tenuous the grasp? I shifted as if uncomfortable and the entirety of my scantily clad silk body brushed against his over sensitized one.

He buckled when I meant to break him.

"It's suspicious you know, how many times you become pregnant and need an abortion," he panted, trying to string his words carefully into coherent sentences as I pressed at the strands of his will. "Then none of us can touch you for two weeks every time. I don't think you meant to- at first." His concentration broke at the end as he stumbled, too late to notice the soft feel of my knee massaging against his leg. A hypnotic, ghost of a motion. He didn't notice until the hunger inside him was thrashing with need.

"None of this is my fault," I spoke dreamily, my words soft and husky. He was paying attention not to the words, but the way my lips moved. Dark tendrils of shadows curled up slowly on my heart. Where did one draw the line between rape and seduction? I was slowly chipping away at his resolve, at his ideas.

Like a whore I used my body to get what I wanted. Because I was receiving something in return, did that mean I was consenting? The idea churned venomously in my gut, charring my insides black with the notion. I lay my body still and halted my efforts. I would not lose myself over this too smart man I had underestimated.

"Let it go Felix," I sighed tiredly. Suddenly I felt too drained, my body drawn and numbly sore.

"That doll's head of your still has a few nasty ideas doesn't it bitch?" he whispered. "I know what you're up to little Isabella. You don't care how many lives you take, or even if it kills you right?" he asked, his voice flat so that it sounded more like a statement.

He knew.

I couldn't answer before the door burst open and Aro was upon us. Felix's eyes were wide with fear as the old man glared down at him hatefully. No words needed to be exchanged. I sat up in the bed and finished dressing myself, looking idly over Aro's shoulder at Felix's stricken face. It was his own fault, whatever punishment was to be doled out. He was too smart for his own good. But at least now I knew. I was going to have to be more careful for a while.

They left without a word and I tucked myself into bed after finishing a second water bottle. He had touched too close to the matter at hand. Yes I hated killing the children, the tiny unborn lives growing inside of me, but I was dead. I was not meant to create and harbor life within my body. I was willing to exchange the damned little life that wouldn't survive anyways, for two weeks of freedom.

Did that make me evil too?

Fact of life.

The survival instinct was always stronger than the maternal instinct.

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**Chilling right? Give me your opinion in a review please. I like reviews, they make my day a little brighter**


	3. Bonds

**Thank you eveyrone for the reviews, as promised, here's the next update, Carlisle's POV!**

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"This is Carlisle; may I ask who's speaking?" I asked curiously. I'd just been about to go out for my lunch break when one of the nurses stopped me to say I had an urgent call waiting.

"Yes, hello Mr. Cullen, I'm sorry for calling you out of nowhere like this but I really have no other choice. Tell me, are you somewhere private?" came a nervous voice. My brows rose and I felt a string of suspicion at this stranger.

"Yes," I finally answered. "Now do you mind telling me who this is?" My voice was probably a bit sharper than I'd intended but this man was making me feel uneasy.

"I'm Doctor Stevens from the Chicago Care Hospital, I'm calling regarding your past foster daughter; Isabella Swan," the man rushed, his voice slightly more hushed now.

I felt my entire body freeze up at that name. Little Bella, I still remembered her fondly. Esme kept all of her albums in the study. We had to hide them after Edward went on a rampage. I wasn't sure what had started it, but suddenly he hated even the mention of her name. We had adopted him shortly after Bella herself had been adopted.

We hadn't expected to get so attached to the young children, but when Bella was ripped from us by that man, we knew we couldn't lose Edward too. He was just about sixteen this year and as volatile as ever. He still refused to mention growing up with Bella and would leave for days sometimes if something reminded him of her. I couldn't for the life of me figure out what had turned their relationship so sour. They'd been inseparable as kids.

"Hello?" the man on the other end inquired, breaking into my memories abruptly.

"Oh yes, yes, I'm still here, sorry about that," I rushed, shaking my head. "Um, is there a particular reason you're calling me about her and not her legal guardian. She was adopted away from us quite a long time ago," I sighed. My heart ached just thinking about that horrible day. Esme had been in tears the whole day.

"About that," Stevens hedged slowly. "I have reason to believe- no, actually I'm absolutely certain Bella is being both sexually and physically abused at her current residence in the care of her guardian. In fact-" the man went on speaking but all I could hear was a dull buzzing growing louder and louder in my ears.

Abused?

Sexually?

Physically?

This man couldn't be serious. Bella was as fragile as a newborn bird. Who could hurt such a delicate little thing? It would take a monster to hurt her.

"Mr. Cullen?" the voice asked again. "I'm sorry, I'm sure this is too much for you, perhaps I shouldn't have-"

"No!" I shouted into the phone and then looked around, startled by my outburst, looking around to see if anyone outside had heard me. "I'm sorry, I meant no, it's quite all right, I'm glad you called me," I breathed sinking into my chair slowly, suddenly feeling the entire weight of the world pressing on my shoulders.

My little Isabella was being abused at her guardians? But, the letters I thought to myself, rubbing my eyes. I still remembered the proud letters Bella would write to Edward, boating about the big house and her many toys. How could this have happened. Surely there was some sort of mistake.

"Why-" I stopped, pausing to gather myself. "But why are you calling me? Why not the authorities?" I asked. Yes, that was right, if this was really an emergency surely any decent medical practitioner would have called in the authorities. This had to be some sort of bad dream.

"Because," he whispered, even quieter now, "her adoptive father is Aro Volturi, surely you've heard of him."

Heard of him? Who hadn't? He was one of the world's wealthiest men with traceable lineage back to powerful Italian nobles and was an international business tycoon with a hand in nearly every honey pot.

"I'm already risking quite a bit by calling you," he went on. "I did some investigating back into Bella's personal medical records and I can't even begin to describe everything that's happened to her. And I noticed one particular doctor that was in charge of her case was brutally murdered in a mugging after filing causes for an investigation into her home life," he said skeptically, obviously not believing it was just a regular mugging gone wrong.

"After that, her records jump around from one doctor to another as if to prevent anyone else from digging any further. In fact, just today Mr. Volturi's secretary called to request a new doctor after Bella's next two week check up," he sighed. "I'm afraid there's not much I can do, but I thought maybe if I told you there was something you could do," he said carefully, as if not daring to hope.

"What's the two week check up for?" I asked coldly, afraid to express any emotion to this stranger on the phone.

"It's routine to check for any signs of infections or abnormalities in the body after," he paused and I heard him swallow. "After an abortion."

Abortion?

No. He had to be wrong because this couldn't be right. My Bella could not have had an abortion. She wasn't even sixteen! What was this about an abortion? She loved playing with her baby dolls. No way would she have consented to an abortion.

"I'm afraid to say this is her fourth one this year," he went on sadly.

Her- Her fourth one THIS year? What was happening to the world!? We weren't even halfway through the year and it was her fourth time!? No, no no no, I refused to believe this.

"There has to be some sort of mistake," I gasped, rubbing my face. "She- She can't have had an abortion, let alone a fourth," I shook my head in denial. "She's not- She's not even sixteen yet." I wanted to curl up somewhere and cry for this child that was now a stranger to me. Some empty chasm yawned open in my heart and I fought to keep my tone even.

"This has been an increasing epidemic I'm sorry to say Mr. Cullen, I've only been her physician for the past year and I can tell you it's only getting worse. I'm afraid if she's pushed any further her body just might break. She's already balancing on a very precarious precipice of total destruction. With the number of invasion operations and constant physical abuse, I'm almost positive she will die."

Die? No, not her. Not Bella. Beautiful, tiny, fragile, clumsy, wonderful Bella could not die. I wanted to hang up on this atrocious man for even suggesting such a macabre thing. I was dreaming, no, having a nightmare. This wasn't happening. It couldn't be. I was going to hang up on this horrible man and forget all about this conversation. Then, I would wake up and shake it off. He had to be lying.

Please be lying.

Why did this man call me? What did he expect me to do? Did he just want to off his burden on to me instead so he'd feel less guilty maybe that he couldn't do anything? But what could I do? I was on the other side of the country!

He shouldn't have called.

But no, that was wrong. It was good he called. I needed to know. There had to be something I could do. While my wealth was not as spread out as the Volturi's, I certainly carried enough influence myself. A majority of my inherited fortune was gathering dust in the bank for the kids my wife and I had adopted over the years. We wanted to give them everything. But maybe, I could use this money to save my first daughter?

I had to try.

"What time exactly is her next appointment?" I asked sickly, trying to steel myself for what I was thinking about- no, what I was preparing to do.

Papers rustled and I heard a computer go one before he spoke to me again, relaying the date and time, emphasizing how punctual Mr. Volturi was with their appointments.

A sick sort of dread dawned on me as I checked the calendar. I would miss it. Esme was going to hate me because I couldn't tell her where I was going and what I was planning to do. I was going to miss our anniversary for the first time ever and I could not give her a reason.

I hung up before this evil man could pass on any more news to me that might upset the balance of my life. Already everything I knew seemed to be changing around me. I sat there quietly for a few minutes, enjoying the solitude of my suddenly cramped office. Depression seemed to fill every crevice with a thick, cloying fog that weighed everything down.

I forced myself to stand up against the grasping hands attempting to suck me back and gathered my things. Each item requiring twice the amount of strength they usually would. Had I always been so heavy? Since when had my jacket weighed so much?

I stalked past startled and frantic nurses and orderlies as they squawked around me, wanting to know what was wrong. I had changed so much in the span of a few minutes. A single phone conversation and my world crumbling beneath my feet.

I fumbled in the car and eventually got it started, heading home on automatic, my motions robotic. I was certain if I wasn't so used to this little routine I would have gotten lost of crashed somewhere, so preoccupied was I.

When I arrived home, I noticed all of the cars were parked in the driveway. Everyone was here on the one day I wish their social lives would keep them out. I sat in my car for some time, just staring at the brightly lit house.

Inside I could almost hear Emmett and Jasper playing video games and wrestling around. Edward would be angsting over the piano, trying to finish a single composition that had eluded for years before giving up and storming upstairs to read or listen to music. Rosalie and Alice would be upstairs poring over fashion magazines and discussing the latest trends and gossip. Esme, my beloved Esme, would be attempting to keep some semblance of order while she prepared dinner.

I sat there until the porch light went on the confused face of my wife appeared, haloed in a golden light; a makeshift angel. She was followed by a curious Emmett, Jasper, Rose, a tiny Alice wedge under them all, and Edward at the window.

I turned off the car and left my too heavy burdens in the car. Slowly I dragged myself up the way to meet my puzzle piece family. Every child adopted, a haphazard family of misfits who'd grown to love each other, some more than others as they became romantically involved.

I wondered where Bella would fit in this puzzle. Sometimes late at night I thought we were overcompensating for her loss by adopting all these others. I would never share these thoughts with anyone, because I did love them all. But still, I couldn't help but think if Bella had remained, and we kept Edward, that Esme and I would have been satisfied with that. Just two amazing little children.

Instead, we continued to adopt. Even though neither of us had even touched thirty at the time, we had taken in five children. By now, they were all almost completely grown. Edward was our first, but still the youngest.

I was so lost in my reminiscence about Bella I neglected to hear my family as they fluttered around me, parroting each other's questions. Everyone was so concerned. Even brooding Edward and selfish Rosalie, all of them wanted to know what had happened. Had I lost a patient? Was I dying? But I couldn't hear anything; I just focused on my darling wife's face.

Finally I drew in enough breath to speak and everyone was quiet, waiting to hear what I had to say, expecting answers and receiving none as the only the words that left my lips were: "Love, we need to talk."

The entire house descended into the heavy silence of a funeral. Something was seriously wrong, but they could only guess. This was not for them to know, and even to Esme I could only describe the barest of details and hoped she trusted me.

"Kids, leave us alone for a while," I sighed.

Arguments ensued but I could only bear so much at once. The pressure of Bella's situation bore down on my heart until I thought it might snap and fall to my feet. All of their voices ringing in my head made me almost feel sick. I felt tired, but high strung at once. Their harping snapped at my nerves.

"It wasn't a suggestion!" I bellowed and everyone quieted, stunned by the force of my voice. I had never once raised my voice to them in all of these years. In a way, I was almost surprised myself, but already so much different that I didn't let it affect me.

Slowly the kids trickled out of the house, the last to leave was Edward there, standing there and glaring as if he had as much a right to know as my wife. We had had him the longest but I knew the chances of my slipping up on what I was setting out to do were worse if he was in the room. He and Bella had been so close. I couldn't face him as he slowly walked outside, shutting the door firmly behind him, a sign of his anger surer than nay slam could have done.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" Esme asked, shaking like a determined autumn leaf on a tree. Her eyes were wide and afraid. I cupped her sweet face in one hand and she leaned into the touch, her eyes fluttering shut in comfort of this gesture.

I drew her closer to me and held her in a tight embrace. When I breathed in I could taste fresh soil and flowers from her carefully tended garden. I stood there for a short while, just breathing her in. This at least had not changed.

"Dear, what's wrong?" she finally asked and all of my problem came back to me. Still I clung on to her, relishing in the warmth of her small body, the scent of fresh rain hanging over her, dripping with the lush flowers that flourished in such an environment. Here, with her in my arms, I was home. I wished nothing would interrupt us, but the world would not allow such idle peace.

"I'm so sorry my love, but I can't explain more than this," I finally sighed, answering. Her body went rigid in my arms and she braced delicate hands on my arms as she pushed away, looking at me confusedly. Her eyes were narrow and determined.

"Carlisle, what's going on?" she asked. "What are you talking about?"

"In two weeks time I have to leave, it's an urgent matter," I said. "I'll be gone a few days at the very least, but when I do, I want you to take the kids to Isle Esme for a while and then maybe to one of the vacation homes somewhere else. Visit the Denali's in Alaska is you want," I suggested.

"Carlisle, what, what are you saying? You're leaving for some urgent business and you want me to just uproot our family when you go without any sort of explanation?" she demanded.

I knew she'd argue. But there was no choice in the matter. I thought maybe I could keep her and the kids safe if they disappeared too for a while. Once Bella went missing one of the first places Aro was sure to look was at my family.

"In a way," I answered, grasping at straws to find another way to phrase it and coming up empty handed, "yes."

"If it's so urgent why can't you leave now? Why does it have to be in two weeks?" she asked, holding tightly to my hands, her eyes pleading. "And why do we have to leave too? Carlisle, I'm your wife, please just tell me," she begged.

"I can't love, I can't. Telling you would only break your heart and put you in more danger," I shook my head, refusing to give in to her heartbroken expression. I could only imagine the damage it would do to tell her about Bella. It was better she didn't know.

"Break my- Carlisle, answer me true, is it a woman? Is that what's so urgent, is there some girl I should know about?" she demanded. Her voice was strong but I could feel her pulse drumming like a hummingbird as she dug her nails into my palm.

"There is a girl, but, it's not what you think," I tried to explain. "She's in danger, I have to help her," I clutched at my retreating wife. "Please believe me when I say I'm the only one left who can help her. I can't involve you all as well, please Esme, love," I said softly.

Her back was to me and her head was bowed. Even if I'd been blind I knew in my heart she was crying. But if I told her, and the Volturi came down on my family, I dared not even fathom the thought. Plus, if she knew of Bella's condition she'd both be more heartbroken and want to come help. That I could not allow.

I was about to give up and go upstairs when she spoke, just a fine tremor, a quiet foreboding before the storm.

"Go then Carlisle, go to this urgent girl you must take care of in two weeks' time," she nearly hissed. I almost thanked her when she carried on, "but know this, if you really do leave, I will move this family, but it will not be to a place you know. I will move us all and you will never see us nor hear from us again do you understand me?"

I could feel my heart breaking into tiny pieces and my eyes burned as I stared at her cold back. "Love I-"

"Do you understand?" she repeated shrilly. "If you leave, you will be leaving this family."

I rubbed at my face, trying my best to hold back the storm of emotions welling up in my chest. I wanted so badly to tell her, but there was no other way. When I thought it was safe, and Bella was okay, I would get a hold of her somehow and explain everything. There was no other way. Bella was apart of our family as well, I couldn't leave her knowing what I did and I knew Esme would forgive me when I explained it all. But for now, she would hate me.

I hung my head in shame, in remorse, in guilt.

One last word hung between us, testing the bond of our marriage, of our love.

"Yes."

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**My god man I was crying while I wrote this towards the end. It's definitely my longest one so far I think because of all of the emotional tension. Next I'll be skipping up two weeks to the check-up, might be up tonight or tomorrow, I'm picking between Carlisle's POV or a split of Bella then him. . .review!!!! It makes me happy and I write faster ;3**


	4. Lost

**See, did I lie to you? Next chapter is up, I couldn't help myself ;3 Thank you everyone for the wonderful reviews and many alerts and favs, it helps my motivation immensely.  
It's Bella's POV first**

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Two weeks, I was well rested and well fed. I'd gorged on all the sweets I could stand to stomach and even managed to keep a majority of it down. I missed taking long hot baths and would appreciate one when I got home after Aro and company made up for lost time. I'd begun taking my birth control pills regularly to keep Felix off my tail as well.

Aro had pulled me from the bed, excitement lighting up his usually cold and calculating eyes. He understood today was one for celebrating as well. Of course we had different reasons. He was happy to touch me again, I was happy to be able to soak in a tub. I had lowered myself to enjoying more simple pleasures and expecting nothing. I found disappointment only came when you expected a different result of reality.

I learned only to expect what life's routine had taught me to expect. I dressed in a thin gown with an empire waist and square neck cut. It was easy to remove both for me when the doctor asked me to change, and for Aro to do more unsavory that I preferred not to dwell on.

My hair had taken back its healthy sheen and the dark circles under my eyes were fading. I had gained weight in my two weeks' reprieve, but not by much. I also still seemed to be bruising quite a bit when one held on to me too tightly. I was improving at least, but how long would that last before life set in around me again.

I could not afford to be happy and therefore I shoved the thoughts from my head. If I was happy it would only hurt that much more when Aro touched me again. Or one of his nephews. Or Caius. Uncle Marcus at least only wished to sleep with me. He believed I was his unborn child from his dead wife. Why he felt I looked an infant that hadn't been born I was not quite sure, I only knew that when I was with him at least the others didn't touch me and that was good enough for me.

Like I said; simple pleasures.

Still, I had to crush this bright outlook I seemed to have now that I was feeling better. It was better to feel nothing, to be numb. Obviously I had a quick solution. Digging around my room I procured a small, plain box, its contents locked inside like buried treasure. Or rather, content.

I had kept only one letter all these years. The rest only confused me and my heart ache. I unlocked the box and tossed it away carelessly. In my hands I held but a scrap of paper, torn to preserved only the short message scrawled in a fourth grader's print. Edward's letter. The last one he ever wrote.

I hate you.

My eyes traced the familiar words as I folded it gently, many of the words rubbed off by the multiple crease lines as I turned it into pocket lint, just a tiny little square. I wedge it into the empty heart shaped locket hung around my neck. A present from Aro.

Fitting really, a cold empty heart to hold a letter full of hate. I could feel my eyes sting with unshed tears as I sank back onto the bed, forcing myself to remember the letter word for word. My heart thrummed dully and I felt an uncomfortable stinging, buzzing sensation crawling beneath my skin.

Slowly I retreated within myself again, the words flashing behind my eyes on a reel. Coupled with them was the first time Aro touched me, when Caius threw me down the stairs, when his sons advanced on my as I matured. I delved into further detail and I felt tears pore over.

I turned and curled on my side, remembering Edward's words, conjuring up an imperfect image of him saying such things to my face. Yes, I thought quietly to myself, curling into a ball, hate me Edward, and hate me with everything you have until it destroys every memory of my existence.

These words were a prayer to a god I didn't believe in.

Every day I prayed for his hatred as I treasured his letter. I was not someone fit for him any longer. I dare not believe I ever was. And yet, any chance I might have had have been obliterated by the filth that infests me now. No one would ever want the broken thing I am now.

Fractures and staples and stitches and bruises, empty eyes and shattered smiles, bittersweet lies and no chance to survive. I was an inmate on death row, waiting for my number.

The door creaked open, and hell's shadow stretched to fill the space. I waited for the reaper's death blow, but it was only a hand. A sickeningly familiar hand far worse than whatever punishments Lucifer might think to exact upon me.

My life had become a slow sort of suicide.

Every day, more and more of me disappeared until one day I might find I didn't exist at all. More of my soul seemed to be sucked into some unknown vortex of depression as I was hauled up, kissed with toxins, and planted in the passenger seat of the car.

I stared out at the window emptily. Two more years and I would be free. I was supposed to be free. I would be a legal adult but I doubted things would be so simple after suffering for so long. No, they would not let me go so easily. I wondered if at eighteen I could free myself. Would I have the strength for suicide? I killed so easily, but could I take my own life?

I had no purpose, no reason for living other than to please these men I hated. No one would miss me, and I would only miss people that wouldn't recognize me. Still, I could never do it. The knife that whispered _do it_ to me at night, the matches that hissed _what if_ every time I lit a candle, the pills that rattled _eat me_ whenever I opened the medicine cabinet.

So many ways outs, but none I could stomach. If I had nothing holding me to this life, then why couldn't I throw it away? I was afraid, but afraid of what? I dare not ask if things could be any worse or they surely would be. If I was to die, I wished it to be an assisted suicide. I wanted someone else to kill me but I would not fight it. A coward's way out, but I never claimed to be brave.

I was helped out of the car slowly, lost in my thoughts and allowing myself to be guided blindly by this papery hand that I wanted so much to twist and rip off, hack off the limb entirely and set it ablaze, maybe feed it to ravenous animals. Toss the entire corpse to carrion crows to be devoured. I would appreciate the stench of his guts set out to bake in the sun on the pristine little porch of the house. Finally the outside world would match just a little more with what I felt it should given my circumstances.

I told the nurse I had to use the restroom when my name was called. I needed to splash myself with cold water. Where had that vision of gore come from? More importantly, why had it aroused me so? Had I always had such a twisted imagination? Did I really wish for that sort of scene to decorate our surroundings?

Yes.

The resounding answer echoed in my mind, the candy sweet taste of a new idea. A fascinating dream I could lose myself in for days.

That was why I never saw it coming. A strong arm grabbed me from behind and I felt as if I was being suffocated when a damp white cloth was pressed over my face. Had someone finally come to kill me when I'd just found a new way to pass the time?

But I found I could breathe. It was the thick cloying stench of strawberries. I still hated the smell but I was unconscious before I could vomit.

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**-insert evil sound effects here- Aro's POV**

"Mr. Volturi did something happen on the way to the doctors?" came the voice of my secretary, Gianna.

I scowled at the mobile device as if the woman could somehow see the expression and would know to shut up. Unfortunately the look was lost on her through the piece of plastic and I gave a drawn sigh, looking around the waiting room. I was too excited to let this one stupid girl's folly interrupt my excitement. For today my Bella was mine again. It was two weeks since I'd shared her bed and her health had markedly improved. I was thinking of even taking her to my private beach, it would be most interesting there. So my mood went unperturbed by this careless, soon to be replaced secretary.

"No Gianna, nothing happened on the way to the doctors," I relayed slowly as if speaking to an imbecile, which in fact I indeed was. "As a matter of fact, I'm sitting in the doctor's office right now waiting," I added, feeling the need to say so before she asked any other stupid questions. My patience had its limits after all.

"Oh, um, well then," she sputtered, "this is awkward," she stated lamely and her voice grated on my nerves. When I got home I was firing this incompetent fool.

"Was there a point to this call Miss Gianna?" I asked tightly, attempting to keep control of my temper.

"Well, um, you see, the doctor's office just called and were asking what time you'd like to reschedule your appointment," she said softly, but rushed. Her tone was nervous and I could almost taste her fear.

"Nonsense," I shook my head, wondering again if maybe I'd hired a woman from the special needs department. "We're already here, she just went to use to the ladies room and the nurses have called for her already."

"Yes sire, I'm sorry sir, it must have been their mistake, I'll call them back right now," she apologized, stumbling over her words.

"Do that," I sighed tiredly, rubbing the bridge of my nose. "And don't call me again unless your tired of working for me," I growled, ending the conversation to her sputtering in my ear.

My excitement only seemed to build and pool in my groin area as I thought of sweet, supple, soft little Bella only a few doors down. In just a short time she would be mine again. I could picture her expressionless face, so pale and fragile, framed by her beautiful mahogany locks and pressed into the pillow. Her willowy body nude atop the black sheets, a contrast of night and day compared to her alabaster complexion.

I ached for the doctor to release her so I could take her home and my body burned, uncomfortably restrained by my pants as I adjusted my position. I nearly jumped up in my hurry to get Bella home when the door and came face to face instead with only her doctor. I peered past him and saw nothing.

"Mr. Volturi," the man smiled, seemingly confused by something. "I'm glad you could make it. Given Bella's current constitution her chances of infection are only increasing. It worried me when you didn't show up," the man rambled.

What on earth was he talking about? Of course I was here, the question was, where was Bella? I saw the doctor doing a likewise glance over my own shoulder before returning to look at me with a frown, his eyebrows knitted together.

"Is she in the bathroom?" he inquired carefully, unsure of what was going on.

The question hit me like a bucket of cold water. "With me?" I demanded harshly. "Of course not, she's with you," I growled. Well she'd better be I added mentally.

The foolish doctor cocked his head to the side curiously. "No, I assure you sir, I haven't Bella at all. When the appointment time passed I thought maybe you had to reschedule for something, I was just going out to my lunch break when I saw you," he said.

Fire leapt through my veins like horses running rampant and I felt my anger consume me as I shoved this stupid man against the wall by his collar. There was a disturbance at the nurse's station but I didn't care.

"Where. The. Hell. Is. My. Daughter!?" I shouted, shaking him as if the answers might drop from his pockets. His eyes widened in fear as he panicked.

"I don't know, I honestly don't," he trembled. "I swear I didn't even know you had shown up, that's why I had one of the nurses call to schedule a new appointment as quickly as possible."

Somewhere in the back of my mind I took note that Gianna was not quite as stupid as I'd thought. It was the people working at this hospital that were lacking in brain cells.

"Do you mean to tell me that my daughter is missing, and you don't know where she went!?" I growled, slamming him against the wall. "Trust me doctor, your life and this entire hospital depend on how you answer me."

I could very well set this entire place ablaze with everyone in it and no one would dare challenge me. The Volturi name was far spread and ever reaching. One did not make an enemy of me if they wished to live.

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know," the man quaked. "Please, understand we have hundreds of patients coming in an out every day, we can't possibly keep track of everyone."

"I want all of your video feeds from the time I entered this hospital, now," I demanded, releasing him and stepping back. "You will find my daughter or so help me god I will rain all of hell down upon you all."

"Y-Yes sir, of course sir," the man nodded, bowing and fumbling over his own feet as he dashed back into the office, ordering different nurses around as I stood there glowering every time he dared cast a glance in my direction. I couldn't believe this. Nearly ten years, and she disappears out of nowhere. Something was up and I was going to find out just what it was.

No one escaped Aro Volturi.

No one.

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**Things are heating up yes? I'm really excited about this story though I haven't completey decided on an ending yet so stick with me and we'll see how it goes, hopefully I don't disappoint. PLEASE REVIEW and the all that other fun fav and alerting stuff ;3  
Because school's starting soon and my updates might be slower, number of reviews also affects which one gets updated first. Well, that and if I take more than a week, reviewers will get sneak peeks at excerpts of the next chapter, so yes, review~ ^-^**


	5. Daddy

**Happy Easter all, and here is my gift to you all so shutupnread it ;P  
Thank you everyone who's reviewed and faved me, it means a lot.  
This be Bella's POV**

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When I finally stirred it was only to see a grey world blurring by as the car gunned its way down the interstate. The sun was high in the sky already, well past the appointed time for my check up. I stared outside for a while when I could see his reflection in the glass, just a washed out echo of his image. Something deep in my soul stirred at the sight of this man, aged and weary as he was now.

Was it my fault? When had he become such a haggard old man? I remembered him in my memories as someone bright and kingly; soft but firm. A loving father. Who was this strange sitting next to me? I didn't know this man who liked like Atlas- supporting the weight of the world on his shoulders.

But years pass and people change inevitably. I saw myself in the glass as well, just a waterlogged picture of whom I used to be. He probably couldn't recognize me either. I don't remember when I stopped seeing bright, youthful Bella in the mirror and instead saw this, this shell. I wondered when Carlisle stopped seeing himself.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked, my voice a thick whisper. My mouth tasted fuzzy, as if I'd just swallowed a cat. Still, I knew he heard me when he flinched, surprised I was awake.

His eyes were red and bloodshot with dark circles under them. It looked as if he hadn't slept in days, that and cried. I shivered and looked away from him, adjusting my position and refusing to look at him, one hand finding my locket with the letter. He hated me.

But Carlisle didn't.

I shook at the notion. I had forgotten about the others in the face of the boy I loved most. Of course Carlisle would care about me right? I could only imagine how he'd suffered at night because of me. Wait, why was he here? What did he know?

Tears sprang from a dried well and I curled up on myself. He was here, halfway across the country. Of course he was the one who'd drugged me at the hospital and kidnapped me I realized belatedly. He had kidnapped me from one of the most powerful and dangerous men alive. No, no this was my entire fault.

"I don't know yet, I just have to get you out of here," Carlisle answered, looking at me pityingly. Oh God, he _knew_, he knew everything.

A small wail escaped as I held my head between my hands and knees before it could fall off. "Who told you?" I asked, sobs muddling the words. "You didn't- You didn't have to know!" I screamed, shaking my head as if to refuse to acknowledge what he now knew. "None of you were supposed to know!"

I felt his hand rest on my back, warm, soothing, and I cowered back, staring at him. How could he touch me like that, as if to comfort me. Didn't he know what I was, didn't he know what had happened to me?

"Why couldn't you forget about me?" I asked, begging as I stared at him. I was pressed up against the door, curled up as far away from him as I could be.

"You were my first daughter, the first child I ever loved, how could I have forgotten about you Bella?" he asked, his voice calm and reassuring as he slowed to enter a rest stop.

"You could have moved on with Esme and Edward. None of you were supposed to know about this. He hates me Carlisle, he promised he hated me and I treasure that letter every day because I know that he won't worry about me and he can be happy," I cried, letting out a storm of emotions I had kept bottled up for long.

How ugly I must look to him now I thought. How dirty I was. I didn't understand how he could stand to be in my prescence.

"Who hates you Bella?" he asked, his voice concerned, he reached a hand towards me again and I slapped it away.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. "Can't you see I'm dirty! Don't you know what they've done to me! How can you stand to touch me knowing what they've done to me? You should hate me, hate me just like your son and let me go," I trembled.

"You're not dirty," he said, looking at me kindly. Slowly I could see the old father I used to know resurfacing and my heart ripped itself into little ribbons because I didn't dare hope this could be it. I was not saved; I had only damned more people.

How much trouble would Carlisle be in when the Volturi found him? What had I done? I knocked my head against the glass of the window, rocking back against it as a dull pain thrummed inside of my skull as if someone had taken a pickaxe to it.

It was all my fault.

"I am," I nodded. "I am, I am, I am, oh Carlisle I am," I sighed, repeating myself as if that might make it more clear to him. "I've been such a bad girl," I cried, "they've taken everything from me but you were supposed to be safe, you were all supposed to be safe!" I shouted at him. "Why did you come here Carlisle, why did you take me away!?" I demanded.

He only looked at me with the patient expression of a parent waiting out a child's tantrum; waiting, expectant.

"Because I love you Bella, my precious little daughter, how could I not come?" he asked softly, smiling as if to blind god himself.

The purity, the brightness of that look, I had to turn away. I didn't deserve such a smile anymore. I was tainted, soiled, ruined. He was in an unattainable place high above me. A place for angels to sing and play, a place for innocent children that didn't know the evils of the world.

I no longer had a place in that world.

Every time I saw a peaceful day I didn't think about going swimming or playing outside, I didn't think about flying a kite or having a picnic. Instead I wondered what was going on inside the little gingerbread houses down the way. Was there someone else suffering there like me? Did we both gaze out the window and wonder why the world wasn't falling apart?

When it was a beautiful day outside, I wanted to hide. Because it seemed the nicer it was outside, the more I could expect Aro or Caius to grace my bedroom, to rape or beat as each pleased. Their evil always countered the days outside like an inverted frame.

I was bound in the shadow of that devil's smile, the reaper's touch. Everything Carlisle represented was something I could never have again. I was not evil; I would not damn this man with me. Nine years I had suffered and never once expected a rescue. In fact, I prayed against this very situation that would only hurt more people than it had to.

"Take me back," I whispered, softly, looking outside for a sign of how far we were.

"What?" he asked, stunned.

"Take me back," I repeated more firmly. "I can't let you do this Carlisle; you're putting everything at risk for me and I'm not worth it anymore," I muttered.

"Bella, angel, how can you say that?" he asked, his voice hurt by my words, not understanding the danger I was trying to save him from.

"You can still save yourself," I cried, finally looking up into his eyes. "It's not too late Carlisle, just turn us around and drop me off in the parking lot. I'll convince Aro to let it go," I bargained. "Please," I begged, "please."

"Bella, I am not going to return you to that place ever again, you're coming with me," he growled, resolved. "You'll go back over my dead body."

Why didn't he see that was just what was going to happen? Didn't he know what Aro was capable of? Of course Carlisle would be killed if I didn't go back soon.

"He will Carlisle, he will kill you!" I screamed, diving over the center console and slamming him against the driver's door, trying to shake some sense into him. "Why don't you see that I'm trying to protect you, always, I was trying to protect you from this," I sobbed, my hands digging into his arms and shoulders. "Couldn't you tell from my letters, I never wanted you to worry about me. You were all supposed to go on living just fine. Don't you get it? I'm the only one that has to suffer, why are you doing this!?" I shook, crying again.

"You expect me to leave you alone after everything?" he asked, his face twisted into one of disgust. "I would never leave you alone to suffer, no matter what you believe, you don't have to suffer like this," he said reassuringly.

His face, his voice, his body- it was all so warm and welcoming. So familiar. It was home. I wanted to just sink into his chest and let him hug me until all my fears were soothed. I wanted to let him protect me, my knight in shining armor. If I was small again I could count on him to protect me from everything. When had I stopped believing that?

"I'm not the little girl you knew Carlisle, you don't have to feel responsible for me," I said, forcing myself to look away from this man. I had locked the door to my old life a long time ago when I finally realized that no one could help me. That it would only put others in danger. That was when I started lying in my letters. If Edward knew, it would only torment him. What could a child do against a man like Aro? Even Esme and Carlisle couldn't go after a man like him. I would not taint their innocence too I had decided.

So why was this man leaving his seat in the clouds to challenge the underworld?

"I will always feel responsible for you Bella," Carlisle said fondly. "You could be fifty and I would still care about you."

"Why?" I asked, breaking down. "Why Carlisle, you would have been better off remembering me as a child playing in the yard with Edward, picking flowers from Esme's garden and trying to make wreaths, climbing trees and falling all over myself. Why did you have to ruin it?" I sobbed.

"Because I don't think that child deserved to be abused the way she was, _you_ don't deserve that," he said strongly. "I haven't ruined a thing Bella; it was those men that ruined you."

"Exactly," I nodded. "I'm ruined Carlisle, I broken and I can't be fixed. This isn't something you can fix," I said softly. "You don't even know me anymore, how can you even try?" I asked brokenly.

"You tried to protect us," he said softly, tilting my chin up to meet his gaze. "I know that was why you wrote those letters, you wanted us to think you were okay so we wouldn't worry."

I could only nod my head mutely, trying my best to hold everything back. I was so good at keeping everything bottled up, where was my resolve this time? He hadn't just opened the bottle; he'd smashed it to pieces. I couldn't collect myself, couldn't put it back together again. Ignored emotions were beginning to drown me in their fury as my old life returned to me. Everything I'd tried for so long to keep back overwhelming me all at once.

"Then isn't that enough?" he asked gently, his eyes wide open to his soul. I couldn't look away even though I wanted to. What if he looked into my eyes and saw how empty I was inside? How my eyes were only a window to a blank expanse of nothing. I didn't want him to see that. "You still care about us Bella, even after all these years," he said carefully. "That was why you never told us what was happening."

I bit down on my lip to keep my tears at bay as I nodded again. Who was this man cutting through my shield so easily with his words? Everything I'd worked for, everything I'd ever built was crumbling before my eyes and I was helpless to stop it. I felt naked in front of this man's eyes, as if he could see everything for the truth and it made me afraid, more afraid than anything.

What if he found my secrets? What if he knew how I sacrificed my children for peace? How could I face him after that? No, that was wrong. I needed him to hate me, I wanted it. So then why was I so afraid of his piercing, searching eyes? Why was I trying so hard to rebuild the fallen walls of my sand castle to protect myself from his all seeing eyes?

"I want to return the favor," he said softly, taking my hands in his. "You don't need to do this all by yourself Bella. You cared about us all these years, now let me take care of you," he said, folding me into the embrace I'd been wishing. I struggled of course, refusing to give in. If I let him do this, I would be damning him as well. Could I do that? Could I be responsible for the ruination of one of my most beloved family members?

"Shh, it's alright now Bella, daddy's here, I'm going to protect you, I promise," he cooed. Suddenly I was five again and I'd just had a terrible nightmare that was already receding away as I crawled into his bed.

I remembered that there used to be a time when sharing a bed with my dad was something sweet to be cherished. I knew there was a time when kisses on the forehead used to ease all of my worries- not bring them. I used to enjoy being bathed by "daddy." I liked to play his games. A kiss was only a magic charm to heal my scrapes when I fell.

Why couldn't I remember those times? Why couldn't I trust these arms? I sank into his arms and felt everything disintegrate around me and there was only these warm, strong, capable arms wrapped around me, holding me together, protecting me from everything.

How long would this last? How long could I let this man protect me? How far steeped in sin would I let him go before it was enough? This was not father, this hug was not father's, this kindness was not father.

I buried myself in the warmth and love of his chest as I cried for everything I had lost, everything I stood to lose, and this one man I knew I would ruin.

Slowly a bright light seemed to pierce through my darkness, a beacon of hope I dare not trust but could not help but be drawn to like a moth to flame. Self-destructive and deadly, and yet I reached for it anyways. For its warmth that was sure to destroy me the instant I got to close.

He was not my father. His power stretched far beyond that of such an imposing title. I nuzzled closer, determined to immerse myself in this wonderful sensation for as long as possible. I was home and the beauty of it struck my withered soul.

I wrapped my arms around this man that was not father but something so much more.

"Daddy."

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**Aww how sweet was that right? I hope I don't short out my keyboard crying over it all the time like this TT-TT but it's so hard not to. Please review because I've also thought up another interesting treat for those of you that do.**  
**An Edward POV!  
But only if you review and tell me you want it, though I do like reviews in general because they make me want to write more ;3**


	6. Belleville

**So anyways, thanks to the ever so lovely SibaSunny for her wonderful reviews and particularaly motivating last one, I give you the next chapter, in Edward's POV anyways just because ;P Thanks everyone who reviewed the past chapter and faved and alerted me as always ;3**

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"C'mon Edward, let's go play," she called out to my sweetly, her normally wavy chocolate hair lighting up crimson in the sun. Her eyes were opened wide and sparkled with the excitement of a new day to explore. I couldn't help but get sucked in to her enthusiasm as I chased after her, yelling that I was going to catch her.

The next thing I knew she was in tears and clinging to me as she was dragged into a black monster car by a middle aged woman we'd never met. She'd been adopted and it felt like my whole world was shattering again like when my parents died together in the hospital. She'd rolled the window down and managed to scream at me as she was taken away, promising to write.

Then came the letters, always so happy and boisterous. I hated it. I hated _her_. Why wasn't she sad? Wasn't she suffering the way I was now that she was missing or were all of her new toys and the big house too much fun to care about me anymore? Well then I'd decided, I wouldn't care about her either and so I composed a short, biting letter, my last one I'd ever write to her.

I told her I hated her, but only because she was gone. I said she'd taken all of my happiness, because she was no longer at my side. I didn't want her to write to me anymore, because it hurt too much to read about how happy she was somewhere else that wasn't with me. I burned every little happy letter she'd ever mailed me that day and destroyed every last trace of her existence in our, no, my home.

Carlisle and Esme adopted me shortly after her own adoption, not wanting to lose me too. They didn't realize I was already miles away. Without Bella I was incomplete, barely willing to function. Gradually, as they took in more children, I befriended them at an arm's length. If they left, it wouldn't hurt so much. I never solidified the family bond until after they were adopted as well.

I now had to older sisters, neither of which were a thing like Bella, and two older brothers who hardly shared a single common interest with me. I still missed Bella. We could always talk about anything and everything with each other, but she didn't need me so I didn't need her.

It was hard to forget about her when every time I looked at my sisters I was comparing them to her. Rosalie's beauty to Bella's understated charm, Alice's grace to Bella's endearing clumsiness. Those two were as thick as thieves with each other, but I couldn't help but think how Bella and I might whisper about them to each other under the covers in my bed if she were still here.

Suddenly I was awakened from my nightmare of memories to a soft sort of sniffling going on in the bedroom next door. I shot up from the covers, still half sleeping and thinking it was Bella crying after another scare and caught myself when my hand touched the cold metal of my door.

No, she wasn't here I thought to myself in a sneer. But then, who was crying? Rosalie was too much of a frigid bitch to shed a tear, and Alice was always way too amped up to cry unless it was out of excitement. And these were not excited tears. It was the quiet sobs of someone trying to hide the fact they were crying with allergies.

The darker side of me told me to ignore it and go back to sleep. When I realized the only female still in our house fragile enough to be crying though, I threw my door open and padded next door. It was midday already and my siblings had already fled from the house. I'd slept in out of both no reason to get up early, and I'd had yet another late night trying to finish the composition that had eluded me for nearly two years.

I stood outside Carlisle and Esme's door quietly for a moment, wondering why he wasn't there to comfort her. It was their anniversary wasn't it? Had his gift brought her to tears then? No, I couldn't hear anyone but her inside.

Without knocking I entered, knowing she'd try to deny if she had time to gather herself first. I wanted to know what was up. I was more their family than any of the others and the incident two weeks ago was still fresh in my mind. Did it have to do with something about their private conversation then? Carlisle had looked sick for a long while and we could all feel the strained tension between him and Esme afterwards.

"Mom," I called, announcing my presence to her when she didn't turn at the open door. Her eyes were red as she cried and her nose was running. Her small body clutched a frsh tissue as she looked at me in surprise.

"Edward," she shook, biting on her lower lips nervously. She was usually the strict, confident, nurturing mother, not a weeping ball of mess when we weren't looking. She seemed to be contemplating lying to me before she just broke down in big sobs and grabbed me.

The gesture surprised me at first and I stumbled back, unsure of what I'd gotten myself into. Who was this crying woman hugging me as she cried? And where the hell was her husband? I didn't see any traces of him at all. As a matter of fact, as I looked more closely at the room, I didn't see any traces of him at all. Drawers were thrown open with clothes missing; a suitcase in the gaping closet was missing.

What exactly did this mean?

"Oh Edward, he's gone, he left," my mother sobbed as I sank down into the bed. Gone? What did she mean gone? Like permanently? That couldn't be right. Not Carlisle. He loved Esme, so much so it sometimes hurt to watch the two of them with each other. He couldn't have left.

"He told me he was going to have to leave Edward, you remember right? When he made all of you leave the house, that's what he said, he was going to leave in two weeks to help somebody, that it was urgent," she blubbered.

Urgent? He waited to leave for two weeks until his wedding anniversary to take care of an urgent problem? That didn't even make any sense.

"And I told him- I told him he could go, but I said if he left that we were going to leave," she cried. "Oh, I didn't think he would actually do it Edward! I was hoping to shock him enough that he would stay, but, but I woke up this morning and he was gone," she trembled, hugging me tightly.

Wait, we were leaving? Leaving where? Why were we leaving if he was already gone? My head spun. None of this made any sense.

"Did he say anything else?" I asked thickly, confused.

"No," she breathed, quieting down. "All I know was that it was to go help some _woman_ that only he could help," she sniffed, her voice just a little sharper at the mention of another woman. And why shouldn't it be? Didn't Carlisle know what this was going to do to his marriage? He left, on his anniversary, to be with another woman. Things just weren't looking for him but I didn't want to lose faith him either. This was my only family left, I couldn't lose this too. I hated the woman that had drawn my new father away. Didn't she know that she was destroying another family?

Slowly, Esme sat up, dabbing her eyes and giving me a look full of concern. "Oh Edward, I'm so sorry to put you in such an awkward situation like this," she apologized. "I feel awful but it was just such a shock," she said, blinking back more tears.

"Are we really leaving?" I asked bluntly.

She looked startled for a moment, chewing on her bottom worriedly, her eyes flickering around the room, refusing to rest on anything for more than a few seconds. After a few minutes of this she finally drew in a large breath and have a resigned, nodding her head slowly, as if just accepting the fact herself as she pushed herself into a standing position, shaking herself out. The mother she usually was came back to her.

"Yes, yes we are Edward," she stated more firmly. "I'm afraid the memories here are just too painful now. First-" she cut herself short, giving me a terrified look at the near mention of her name. Slowly I felt the darkness and depression return to me.

"I get it," I said gruffly. "I'll go pack my stuff and call everyone." I slunk out of the room before she could say anything else.

Yes, I thought to myself bitterly after sending a mass text telling everyone there was an emergency at home, first we'd lost Bella, now Carlisle. It was a bit heavy on the heart to think of it that way though as for Esme and I, I could only imagine our most painful person was reversed.

I tossed plain clothes into my suitcase; just a few pairs of pants, several shirts, and a jacket. I was certain Alice would go shopping for other things once we arrived wherever we were going. I was more concerned with my books and music as I tossed in my favorite novels and most of my CD collection starting with the classics. They were followed by a few spiral notebooks haphazardly stuffed with other loose leaf papers- various notes and scrawls of different songs I had written myself. One particular overflowing notebook in black held the ideas and rambling for one particular song that I could not finish for the life of me.

I dreamt of it all of the time, and just when it started to sound good, I would falter on a key and had to start all over again. The entire notebook was filled with composition ideas for that one song. When I finished it I knew it would a masterpiece- my crowning achievement.

Everyone else was bursting with questions when I got home, but I could only give the barest of details. Carlisle was gone, we were leaving too, no I didn't know where he was, no I wasn't sure where we were going- just pack some stuff and shut up.

When my suitcase was packed into my Volvo and I had a Debussy CD playing from the radio, I hopped out and ran inside. I wanted to forget her. I wanted to hate her.

I just plain wanted her.

I pried up a loose floorboard and took out the very first letter she ever mailed me. She'd signed "I love you, Bella." It was also the only letter she complained about her home life. I treasured it because it was the last piece of Bella I remembered. I grabbed it and shoved it into my back pocket before racing outside again where Esme waited in my car.

I led everyone out of the city and then followed Esme's instructions blankly. All I could feel was Bella's letter in my back pocket. For the first time in a long time I allowed myself to wonder:

Was she still doing okay?

It was well into the night and we'd stopped for food twice as we drove when everyone traded drivers, leaving the women in charge of the cars while we rested. My mother was determined to get as far as possible, as soon as possible.

"Where are we going?" I finally asked when we passed yet another state line border. Something told me this was not a trip to be made in one day, even alternating drivers as we were. The girls would get sick of it soon, and Emmett wasn't one to be cooped up for so long. It was unnatural.

"When I was a young girl myself, my parents had a nice secluded summer ranch in the south, near the outskirts of Belleville, it was a quiet, beautiful little place, sunnier than Forks ever was," she answered quietly. "I was thinking we could go there for a little bit, my parents left me the house when I turned eighteen, it's been so long since I've seen it, I was thinking of taking you guys this summer anyways actually and there's no time like the present time," she said shakily, her knuckled white with her grip on the steering wheel. I knew this had to be hurting her.

I consulted some maps for the exact location of Belleville and frowned at the distance. "Don't you think, maybe, we should take a plane instead?" I asked slowly. Why on earth would drive so far? Even I was going to get tired of being in a car for so long. This trip could take weeks.

"I was thinking of treating this more like a road trip," she smiled gently. "The driving is sort of therapeutic don't you think? Just you and the road, you don't have to think about anything else."

There was a tightness in her voice as she thought about the reason of why we were taking this impromptu road trip and I stopped my questions as I went back to my notebook, the overhead light on illegally what with the deserted road so late at night. I was hoping for some sort of inspiration but nothing was coming up. Damn!

I threw my pen on the floor and turned to look at the window, the lit up cities we were passing by. I took out Bella's letter again and sighed, reading over the worn lines, tracing her goodbye with my fingers. I wondered what she might think about this situation if she were here with us now. She'd probably be better at comforting Esme than I was. Or at least keeping me occupied.

We'd probably be in the backseat talking about music or debating our favorite titles and authors. Maybe she'd be sleeping against my chest and we'd be like all of my other siblings who'd paired off with each other on a more personal basis. I could dream right? Even though obviously she hadn't felt the same way about me.

I growled and turned away from the window, shutting my eyes and forcing my mind blank. I would not think about her. I tried to imagine our destination instead. Beautiful Belle- aw christ, really!? How did I not think about her with a name like _Bell_eville? That was just asking for it.

And we had a long way until Illinois.

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**Haha, yes, the Illinois thing was intentional, I actually didn't catche the Belle-ville thing until I was already writing though and then proceeded to facepalm over it =3= Who should the next POV cover do you think, and let me now how you liked it with more than "great, update soon" please. Six chapters in half as many days, I update plenty, I want to know what you like about the story dangit! but review anything really, i get happy just seeing one ine my e-mail no matter what it says ;3**


	7. Peace

**Hey, who missed me!! I'm so sorry about the late update but school kicked my ass hardcore x-x I was slammed with four pages of chem work, a two page essay to write for english, a new website to build, a chapter of work in spanish, and another in history. Let me tell you, it took a long time to get my thoughts straight for this chapter and I'd like to thank DaniCullen426 this week for blasting my inbox with a review of every chapter and alerting this story. So I give you chapter 7, Bella's POV, thank you for waiting.**

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I felt the corners of my lips quirk and I stared, gaping at myself in the mirror of the car. A smile? How long had it been since I'd done that? But so easily the gesture returned while driving with Carlisle. Still, I didn't want to hope. Quickly, I schooled my face carefully blank again. I had expended far too many emotions already and I was exhausted by it. I felt that if I let myself be too happy, too safe, I might jinx it all and it could tumble away from me yet again. I would hold on to this fragile peace of mine carefully, gently; like a frail little butterfly. Lovingly, but just waiting for it to fly it away.

"How have you been?" I finally asked, breaking the warm silence in the car. Too many years since I'd spoken with any of them- I didn't want comfortable silence, I wanted to absorb as much of them as I could while I had the chance.

"We adopted Edward," he said morosely. I could hear the undertones of what he was saying though: _'We should have adopted you too.'_ But it was too late for apologies. Besides, I had gotten over that a long time ago when Edward told me in the two years that we did talk to each other.

"I know," I nodded. "It's all right you know," I added when I saw him cast me a sideways glance; gauging my cool response. I watched him as well, taking in every detail of him and committing it all to memory; something to cling to late at night. His brows furrowed in confusion and I traced the worried lines with my eyes before elaborating.

"Back then, all of us were young dad; innocent. No one saw it coming, we thought we had all the time in the world," I shrugged, "then it turned out we didn't and you guys realized you didn't want to lose Edward too, I understood, even then," I soothed. "So don't blame yourself. I'm just glad you guys got Edward before anyone else could," I smiled.

"Oh Bella, you don't understand how bad we felt when you were taken away from us," he said sadly. "It felt like a hole had been ripped in our hearts when you disappeared and I suppose sometimes late at night when everyone else is asleep, I can't help thinking that maybe if we'd adopted you sooner we wouldn't have tried to make it up so much," he shook his head. "I'm not saying I don't love them, I grew to of course, but I doubt I'd have ever gotten to know any of them if we'd kept you with us."

"What are you talking about?" I asked curiously, tilting my head as I looked at him, taking my turn now to look confused. Despite the two years of letters, there was still another seven I'd missed out on.

"We have four other children now," he sighed. "Two boys and two girls, all of them romantically involved with each other if you can believe that," he laughed mirthlessly.

"I can see that," I said, sinking back into my seat slowly, processing this new information. "You might not see it dad, but you and your wife; you inspire love in everybody. It's hard not to fall for whoever's around you."

Maybe, it was better that I'd been gone? They had built a whole new family after all and everyone loved one another it seemed. Where did a tainted girl like me fit into such a picture? I would suck away everybody's happiness again. I couldn't go there. Daddy was enough; did I have to ruin everyone else's lives as well?

"Bella, did you ever love Edward?" he asked rather abruptly after things had lapsed back into silence. I'd been staring out the window as we drove, watching the underestimated beauty of the outdoors pass by in a blur of colors; thinking.

"Yes," I answered numbly, nodding my head just a little.

_It was better that I left._

"What happened between you two?" he asked, carefully prying.

_I would run away._

"I made him hate me," I said stiffly.

_I didn't want to hurt them._

"Why?" came the inevitable question.

"I didn't want to hurt him."

Seconds passed and the landscape blurred to nothing in my mind. My eyes were open, but nothing seemed to be processing in my brain. Tree, grass, flowers? Only a blank expanse of never ending white. We could have been driving over pure tundra for all that I could see.

I was floating in a sea of unconsciousness, thoughts unraveling all around me and I drifted lazily amidst the chaotic infinity stretched out around me. It was a sort of peaceful zen retreat as thoughts hummed everywhere, dulled by my own protective barrier lest I drown in it all.

I registered pictures, but not of the outside world. Were my eyes even still open? Was I sleeping; dreaming? Memories flickered by on a reel and I caught brief glimpses of my childhood stuck in a single frame. Why? Every time I looked, I was never alone. I had no memories of my life before Edward.

In every screenshot and movie, he was there beside me, grinning crookedly and as beautiful as always. I found when I thought of my parents that I saw Carlisle and Esme rather than my real parents. I had long since forgotten their faces, to me, they didn't even exist anymore.

Then came the white toothed grin and predator's eyes. Grasping hands, thin as paper, strong as steel. A regal body full of sin. I wanted to cover my eyes but I couldn't move. I wanted to scream, but practice had taught me that no one would hear.

I stood still and watched myself be defiled over and over again. A whirlpool of abuse spiraling all around me. Edward's smiling face seemed to spin and shrink all at once as I grasped for it before my hand was overcome by the reaching arm of another.

I snatched back the limb before I could touch the surface. I would not let this evil man have my Edward too. I would not contaminate his beauty with my dirty hands. I turned away from the painful image, sinking into the devil's chest, letting dark tendrils of his evil wrap around me with an intimate touch.

Edward's smiling face was obliterated with thick black strokes. My treasure, my love, I would protect him if it cost me everything.

"Bella!" A strong hand shook me free of the vines, pulling me loose from the writhing limbs of night. They tried desperately to cling to me but the force of the light made them retreat, hovering just out of reach.

"Bella, wake up!"

It was Carlisle. He sounded so worried. Why was he worried? I did this all for them; he was supposed to be happy. I forced my eyes open, prepared to confront whatever it was causing him trouble when his arms wrapped around me tightly, crushing me to his chest.

"Thank god you're alive," he breathed a sigh of relief, holding me back out but not releasing my shoulders as he looked over me concernedly.

Oh. Right.

_I was what was causing trouble._

"What's wrong?" I asked, wondering what had sparked this sudden outburst.

"You," he heaved. "You stopped breathing for a few seconds there; I wasn't sure what I was going to do if I couldn't get you to start breathing again. Even your pulse slowed down drastically," he trembled.

How interesting. I'd come so close to death by simply willing it to be. How many problems that could have solved for me all at once. I wonder if it counted as suicide if you just, gave up. Even my body accepted my will to die. For what purpose did I exist in the first place?

But, I wasn't allowed to think like that, not with daddy sitting right there, watching, waiting for any signs that my body might remiss again. So clearly concerned it broke my shattered heart.

I was not born to or for myself, but rather for others. For Aro to touch, for Caius to hit, for Carlisle to learn to be a parent. What made me, me, was simply a collection of features that I had developed in order to please others. Even with Carlisle and Esme, I'd always done what I thought would make them love me. Always doing for someone else.

"Where are we going?" I asked, trying to divert his attention onto a safer topic, looking away from his face. I couldn't bring myself to look him in the eye.

"Esme's parents left her a house on the far end of Illinois in a little ranch town called Bellville. We've never actually visited after settling the estate matters, but I don't think _that man_ would think to look for you in his own backyard. We'll get you checked out there and make some plans before we go. Shouldn't be more than two or three days."

I wondered if he understood the influence Aro had in the world, all of which would now be completely concentrated on the single task of finding me. Could we afford to try and assume his actions? It wasn't that I particularly was necessary to Aro, but he was not a man accustomed to losing, or more precisely, having something stolen from right under him.

"Is this okay?" I asked quietly, turning to look at him.

"What?" he asked, pretending to misunderstand me.

"You, being here. You've missed your anniversary and you're giving up your family," I said. "I just don't think this should be a _we_ after we get to Belleville."

This time he wasn't acting and his whole body seemed to freeze. "_You_ are apart of my family Bella, I'm not giving up anything. It's going to be us the whole way through."

"And it's going to end up only being us the whole way through," I shook my head. "Aro will do everything in his power to track me down. There's no going back if you stick with me. You don't know how long we might have to run. Are you ready to give up everyone else to be a little girl you knew for three years?" I asked.

I wanted him to say no.

I wanted him to say yes.

I wanted him to be safe but I didn't want to let go.

"We'll stop off for groceries first and then go to the house. We should be there soon," he answered, ending the conversation and giving his own form of approval. He looked as if he was in pain though and I wondered if maybe he hadn't thought about this more than I thought.

"Alright," I nodded. "Grocery shopping sounds nice," I smiled at him. I would enjoy this light feeling growing inside for as long as I could. "I haven't been outside in a long time," I sighed, "I'd like to do something even as mundane as shopping for groceries for once."

"Wait, what do you mean you haven't been outside?" he asked, glancing at me.

"Other than doctor's appointments and flying to and from different houses I wasn't allowed to leave the manor much," I shrugged.

"That's insane, you're not a prisoner," Carlisle argued.

"You don't say no to the devil," I cast a glance at him. "You just duck your head and hope he doesn't burn you. And it wasn't all bad," I cut him off from protesting. "I did really have everything I wrote about in my letters. I even learned how to play the piano a little and he has a massive library to read from."

"Don't try to make it sound nice Bella, even I have my limits," he growled, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

"What should we eat tonight?" I asked, taking a note from his book and changing the topic again.

"Maybe pasta? Or take out, I don't know if all of the utilities are working or not," Carlisle shrugged. "What would you like?"

I found myself dumbstruck by the question. Just four simple words and I was speechless. _What did I like?_ I hadn't been asked for my own preference in a very long time. I looked outside and checked the billboards, waiting for inspiration to strike me. I couldn't even remember the last time I'd had fast food.

"Umm, Del Taco?" I said, naming the first place I saw.

It was only just late afternoon and we stopped for lunch. The taco tasted like a bite of heaven in my mouth so much so that I ended up ordering four of them and a large cup of raspberry iced tea. It was probably the best meal I've ever had. People were giving me strange looks as I ate because of the sounds I wound up making and Carlisle could only laugh and run a hand through his hair, looking almost embarrassed, but happy.

I was downright bubbly when we went shopping. I felt like some wild foreigner as I explored the carefully stocked shelves, running my hands down the aisles and variety of products. Daddy towed me around like a rambunctious child. It wasn't that I was skipping around singing show tunes, but I couldn't help but want to explore the world I had not been apart of in so long.

Here, in this little random grocery store, on the run from Satan himself with only _daddy_, my stomach full of good food, I felt so light. Here, I was free. No one knew of my foul body, my sins, my lies. I was just another girl shopping for groceries with her beloved daddy.

We found the spare key in the trellis when we got to the house and all of the utilities were surprisingly already on. We had electricity, water, and gas. The sprawling acres were also nicely secluded and beautifully full of plants. It reminded me of the Washington house only sunnier.

For once the weather reflected my mood even I cleaned up the house, airing it out and opening windows. I unpacked our small trove of groceries and stocked the cabinets, dusting everything out as I went. I lost myself in the tedium of regular life.

Still, cleaning wasn't as much fun as exploring the outside. The grass grew wildly and weeds and flowers grew together in bunches. The ranch house had a homey, almost overgrown cottage feel to it. It was like some fantastic fairy tale.

I lay outside for the longest time in the grass just breathing in the air and staring up at the sky. The grass itched and I swept at bugs, but I couldn't get over the euphoria of it all.

I fell asleep in peace with everything for the first time in a long time.

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**So this is sort of a transitional chapter, expect things to pick up in the next two but don't expect an update tonight because I've been neglecting my other one and have been getting these ideas nagging my brain for it. I will try to update tomorrow though ^^**


	8. Goodbye

**Huzzah for the next installment! I was excited about writing this and it's my longest one yet because I couldn't find a proper place to stop it. I'm so glad everyone seems to be enjoying it so far and I'll tell you I only see about three more chapters left after this so it'll all be over soon I just pray you don't hate me. Anyways, enough dwelling on all of that, here's the next chapter in Bella's POV ^^**

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The next morning Carlisle and I made plans about what we would do. It wouldn't be easy to hide from Aro but we could probably fly under the radar by changing location every few days with his friends' help. Then, when it all died down in a year or two (we hoped), we would move somewhere secluded in the mountains and find a way to contact the rest of the family. It took hours to hash out with him because I hated the amount of time it would keep him away but he kept bringing up my missing for nine years and he was very stubborn.

Besides, I wasn't used to arguing for something, eventually he won because I didn't want to see him look sad like that every time he thought about how long I'd been left alone. It wasn't like it was his fault. How would he know what would happen to me at the hands of that man?

I retreated upstairs for a nap, exhausted for the debate and still weak. We would go to the town later and the make lunch. Tomorrow morning we'd be leaving but I was beginning to feel uneasy. What if we were underestimating Aro? What if he searched closer to home first? It was all over if he found us now. My stomach churned at the thought and I curled up on the stiff mattress.

I had to hand it to Esme though; she kept all of the houses fully furnished at all. My thoughts drifted back to the unborn infant though. It was thanks to it that I was here now. Without the abortion I wouldn't have needed the check up. Without the check up I wouldn't have met up with Carlisle.

I still wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing.

When I got up, I changed into a simple white summer dress and sandals, sliding down the banister of the stairs to the main foyer. Daddy seemed to disapprove as he shook his head.

"Bella, I don't know if it's entirely safe for you to be doing that," he sighed. "You're still recovering right?" he said.

"It's been two weeks, I'm okay, it's just a routine infenction check up for after the abortion, I'm used to it," I shrugged. "Plus I followed all of the rules. We could just go to the store to get some extra vitamins and protein if you're really worried," I offered.

"I'm a doctor, how can you expect me to be so casual about this Bella?" he demanded. "We have to follow procedure."

I sat on the steps and turned to look at him. "Trust me, I know this procedure in and out probably better than some of your medical students. It's my fourth one this year alone," I said coolly.

"I've been meaning to ask about that Bella," he said worriedly, unsure of how to broach the topic. "That is, about the abuse, and these procedures, how…" he trailed off, looking at me pathetically. I felt a twinge in my chest and looked away from those begging eyes. Fine, if he wanted to know I wouldn't hold back.

"I had two abortions when I was eleven, three at twelve, five at thirteen, seven at fourteen, and six at fifteen, and four at sixteen pretty much," I described swiftly.

Before he could interrupt with anymore pity I went on with the more physical aspect of the abuse.

"I've broken every bone in my appendages and torn several ligaments in my legs. My ribs were also broken, bruised, or fractured. I've had several skull fractures and numerous cosmetic damages that required stitches or staples to close. I've also had massive internal bleeding and hemorrhaging from being tossed down flights of staircases or just over the railing in general," I sighed, expelling the air left in my lungs.

I chanced a small look back up at him where he'd collapsed against the wall. He had sunk down onto his haunches and his head was buried in his hands as if he was trying to block out everything I was trying to say to him.

I sat myself up and stood, brushing imaginary dust off of my skirts. It had obviously been a bit too much for him to hear all at once. It was a good thing I'd at least skimmed over them and not described every injury or he might have broken down completely.

I padded over to him quietly and pat him softly on the back as he looked up at me sadly, his eyes like glass.

"I'm fine," I reassured him.

_Just dead inside._

"I hate that man," he growled. "He deserves to rot in hell."

"Let's go into town and stop by the pharmacy," I said. "And then we'll eat and you can rest. Take today off, don't think about anything, pretend we've been here all our lives. Nothing's happened," I soothed, "I've been with you my whole life," I smiled.

He took a moment to himself to breathe and then stood, smiling. "Alright then, we'll get you taken care of and then browse around for a little bit. How about we buy something to bake tonight?" he asked. "Chocolate cake maybe?" he entreated. Oh how long had it been since the rich, decadent taste of chocolate had passed my lips? I was almost drooling.

"Let's go," I beamed, taking my own advice to live in the moment.

We picked up different over the counter medicines from the pharmacy to take as a precaution and then went back to the little grocery store for scratch cake ingredients. It took little more than half an hour before we were on our way home again. I made an easy lunch and then left Carlisle to himself while I went outside to explore again. The grass swept at and itched my legs as I walked through.

Was this too much?

Was I going too far?

Could I dare enjoy the simplicity of this shadow ridden freedom?

I came across a small bush like tree, heavy laden with its sour fruit and smiled. It wasn't bursting into flames and trying to talk to me. The only thing I heard was the constant saying. _When life give you lemons, make lemonade._ And, well, life had given me many lemons from this little sprouting tree. It looked like it hadn't been touched in a long time.

Overripe fruit lay on the ground and the branches hung heavy with the burden of the round lemons growing fresh. The thorns scratched at my hands as I reached in to grab the fruit, twisting it off the branches as I grabbed them.

Fresh squeezed lemonade and home made chocolate cake. Was I dreaming maybe? Living some old colonial settler's life? But no, tomorrow we would begin to run and never stop. I wouldn't get this sort of chance again.

I gathered the fruit in the skirt of my dress, using it like an apron as I waddled back to the house. I had to guess Carlisle was upstairs as I heard the shower running and I busied myself with making the drinks and starting the cake.

The evening was closing in again and the sun painted the sky with an indescribable fiery explosion of passion. Rich purples, reds, and oranges with only traces of black trying to sink its venom in to the beauty but not yet succeeding.

I tasted the lemonade and dumped in the ice, stirring it as I hummed. The happiness inside me was swelling fit to burst like a balloon. It chased the pessimism far into the recesses of my mind until I only focused on this one task. I tasted it again and smiled. So proud over one little accomplishment.

I reached into the cabinets to grab a glass and heard the door opening. Had daddy gone out without me? I poured the cup and took a drink as the footsteps approached.

"Hey daddy," I called, "I made-"

My voice died in my throat and the glass slipped from my fingers.

The happiness burst inside my chest like a too ripe fruit squeezed by the hands of a cruel child.

It all shattered in an instant.

"Bella," he whispered.

"Bella," she gasped.

"Bella!" he cried.

Immediately I fled, shoving past them. Carlisle was on the stairs, curious about the crash, hair damp and curly from the shower. I buried myself in his chest and hid from the voices.

More voices ensued: confused, arguing, shouting, demanding. I wanted it all to stop. I tried to cover my ears but their voices raked inside my mind. Daddy's arms wrapped around me and held me in a protective cocoon. I tried to control my pulse and breathing as I focused on his own pounding heart.

We'd been blindsided, waiting for the enemy. Instead it was family that found us first.

"Who is she?"

"Why is he with her?"

"What are they doing here?"

"Is that you Bella dear?"

"Bella?"

"Who's Bella?"

Of all the voices, I noticed only the absence of one of them. He still hadn't spoken a word past my own name when he'd first seen me. I felt too ashamed to look at any of them. I wondered if daddy had called them here even though we'd agreed not to. Now things would only be more complicated. Tears soaked my dad's shirt as I trembled, I wanted to scream at them all to just stop, to leave, to save themselves, but I was choking on my own words.

"Enough everybody," daddy spoke, his voice strong and firm as everyone quieted, waiting. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife. "I'll explain what I can in a moment. I'm going to take her upstairs now though, you've all frightened her too much," he sighed, rubbing small circles in my back.

A venomous voice then froze my body. When had she become like this? Was I poisoning them now without even knowing it? Was my very presence in the house tainting who they were.

Esme: "No Carlisle, she will stay here with us and you will explain all of it."

Her tone was enough to make the boogeyman think twice about approaching. Still I shook my head. I could not stay here. I had done enough damage. I wouldn't rope them in as well. She didn't deserve that, none of them deserved that. The only one that was safe was him- Edward. As long as he hated me he wouldn't be involved.

"It is not my story to tell Esme dear," he answered, "and it is not my place to force her to be among those she does not want to be around."

"That's right."

Finally that silken voice. It shivered down my spine like a bath of cold water, freezing my very core with its malice. Acid burned under my skin with the very sound of it. I could literally feel the hatred wrapping around me like a lover's caress; tightening and winding around my body. Was this what I had wanted? This hate?

"She doesn't want to be around us so let her leave. She has a new family now anyways," he snarled. "She's so happy there with them, why is she even here?" he spat, each word striking like a whip against my bare skin. "I hate her fucking guts. If she's here, I'm leaving," he growled.

"Edward!" Esme cried out indignantly. "Language," she reprimanded firmly.

"I want to leave," I whispered hoarsely into Carlisle's chest, quiet enough that I hoped the others didn't hear me. "I didn't want this, I didn't want them to be here," I continued just as softly. "You should have let me go; I destroy everything."

The others were arguing still, now sounding more confused. Daddy and I were in our own little world apart from them but soon enough he broke that bubble as he gripped me firmly by the arms and I felt a strange sense of déjà vu about the whole situation.

"Enough Bella!" he shouted, silencing everyone as they listened in. "I will not leave you to that hateful man any longer! Nine years is enough of a punishment, stop trying to take it all on your own, you're still just a child!" he said, shaking me as if that might make his words clearer. He bowed his head to my shoulder. "Please Bella, understand how a father might feel to know what I know about his own daughter. To know that it happened because of him. You're not the only one at fault here; let me make up for my own mistakes. Let me save you this once."

"Father…daughter? You guys had a daughter?" was the summary of the questions suddenly fired from everybody in the room.

"I was. . .first," I finally spoke, turning away from Carlisle to face them all. "First in their care I mean," I clarified. "But I was never adopted," I smiled wryly, "so I'm not related like you might think."

They were all so beautiful, so perfect. Alice really did look like a little pixie. She had a small and petite frame with a short and spiky black haircut. She had the fair complexion that came from living in one of the rainiest places on earth and she was dressed perfectly for her frame with perfectly coordinated clothes. Her eyes seemed to reflect her every emotion as she me examined slowly, her brows furrowed in concentration as she tried to see inside of me.

Jasper looked uncomfortable with the whole situation and his body was rigid, his face tight. He was pressed against Alice's side and his fingers were laced with hers as well. His blonde hair looked as if he'd been worrying it for days by running his fingers through it over and over. He was more interested in watching Esme and Carlisle than me it seemed and I was glad.

Emmett was the one I instantly shied away from. He was nearly as big as Felix and just as intimidating with the frown on his face as he tried to figure out what was going on. Carlisle said he was very nice but all the same I'd like to keep my distance.

Standing center stage was the blonde bombshell Rosalie. Her blonde tussled hair fell down her back in soft waves, bright and healthy. Her curves were accentuated by the skin tight and short clothes she wore. Any normal girl would not only have been intimidated, but would definitely be suffering a major bout of self esteem issues.

I could only thank the god that had abandoned me that I looked the way I did. It gave me nightmares just thinking about what might have happened if I had a body shaped like hers at Aro's. Or at least what might have happened more often in any case.

But Edward, oh Edward hadn't changed at all though my memory hadn't done him any justice. He had matured though and it showed in the more angular and defined parts of his bodies. He had high cheekbones, and a flat forehead, a strong jaw, a straight nose, all perfectly sculpted. He had developed muscles emphasized by the fitted polo he wore and I couldn't look at him any longer or I might have broken down right there.

His perfect emerald eyes were dark as he glowered; arms folded a hard chest as he leaned against the door. Even when he hated me he was beautiful.

"Bella, what is Carlisle talking about?" Esme asked, as sweet and motherly as always. Age could not ruin this woman it seemed as I looked at her worriedly frowning face. "Save you from what? What on earth is going on?" she asked.

"It's," I paused, breathing out. "It's complicated. You're better off not knowing."

"The hell I am!" she exploded. "Just as Carlisle said he's your father, I am your mother and I demand to know what is happening to my family!" she shouted. "There are no secrets among the Cullens."

"But she's not a Cullen," drawled a lazy voice from the still open doorway. No one had thought to shut it, let alone lock it in all the drama that had unfolded. Everyone turned and I felt my heart stop as I stared at the not such a stranger standing in the doorway casually.

Darkness enveloped me whole.

I knew it should have been too good to be true. It was at the utmost peak of happiness that it all came tumbling down.

"She's a Volturi," he smiled, prowling inside as if he owned the place, his body moving with feline grace.

Carlisle stepped in front of me but it was no use. I ducked under him and stood to block his way from intruding any further.

"Leave them out of this," I said quietly.

"You know the price that's been put on the good doctor's head, I don't think so," he chuckled, drawing a gun from his back. "I'll be taking you both back if you please Isabella."

"Over my dead body."

"That could be arranged."

"And what would the price be on your head if I killed myself first?"

"Troia* You wouldn't."

"Are you willing to bet your life on it?"

"He will find them soon enough," he shrugged, waving his gun around haphazardly. "But you will come with me now."

"No!" Carlisle protested.

"That's enough Carlisle, I've put you in enough danger. When I leave, get out of the country as soon as possible if you can. Try Peru," I said. "You have a family without me, you'll be fine."

"It's not a family without you Bella, you know that," he said, clinging to my wrist.

"This is all well and good," James sighed. "But I am on a schedule here, the princessa comes with me now and you all have one hour to disappear," he blew on his fingertips as if to demonstrate.

I pulled myself free of Carlisle's hand and approached Edward, unhooking the necklace. Mechanically he held his hand out for the trinket and I smiled sadly.

"I've treasured this for a long time, please do not forget these feelings," I whispered, coiling the locked in his open palm. I folded his fingers over the metal and brushed my lips over his knuckles as he flinched.

"Open it when I'm gone. Remember the feelings when you wrote it to me and use them to protect yourself," I said. I drew him closer and he seemed afraid, his expression faltering. I tasted him on my lips and folded that last feeling carefully inside my heart before swinging the door shut.

"Goodbye."

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**Drama drama, so much drama. Obviously the other Cullen's aren't so involved in my story but I did mention them more at least this time. I find it fitting that James tracks Bella down so guess what happens next?!!? You'll know soon actually but reviews always speed me up so leave one for me please! ;3**

_*Italian for cunt pretty much, stems from a woman who slept around with a lot of trojans and gladiators in the old days; much more insulting than bitch or whore._


	9. Kamikaze

**Hey guys sorry I took so long when I promised and update but grades came out and I got myself in a bit of trouble with the parentals so I'm sort of limited right now. I struggled with a way to move this chapter along and it's a little shorter and it's an Ed/Bella split, here you go ^^**

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"Carlisle what is going on!?" Esme demanded. "What the hell just happened? Bella was here, and then that man, and he took her, and- and I just don't understand, please, explain this to me in a way that makes more sense than everything does now!" she sobbed, clinging to my father's shirt. He had a sick expression on his face as he stared at the door mournfully. His face was tight with pain and I could see him grinding his jaw as his hands held Esme at bay. He didn't even seem to realize what was going on around him.

I stared at the locket folded into my hands mechanically. What was this? What had happened in the last few minutes that I felt so positively shaken to the bone? My lips still tasted like lemonade as I brushed my knuckles across them gently, trying faintly to brush the taste from my mouth.

Someone so hateful, how could they have such tender lips? Taste so sweet, so heartbroken. In a matter of minutes my entire life had been upended by the very girl I'd vowed to despise seven years ago and I clenched my fist over the little metal heart, driving it into a wall angrily. Everything was going to hell in a hand basket thanks to that girl yet again. Why couldn't she let me live a normal life? I didn't want these memories, this taste, this feeling- I didn't need it anymore. She had moved on and so had I.

"There's- There's a lot I couldn't tell you before," Carlisle murmured quietly, still looking shaken. His eyes were glassy and unfocused even as he stared at Esme in his arms. "I was afraid it would put you in danger, but it seems it's too late now. I'll explain everything now," he swallowed. "Come with me upstairs, everyone else get ready to leave, we can't stay here."

"I'm coming too," I said, glaring at him. "I deserve to know what the hell is going on Carlisle," I growled.

"Hey! We're part of the family too!" Rosalie hissed. "Just because some little brunette prances in and out of the house all of a sudden we don't get to know even though you said it could put us in danger?" she asked venomously.

"It's. . .complicated," Carlisle said, deflating slowly, suddenly taking on fifteen years in the span of a few seconds.

"Complicated my ass!" Emmett rebuked. "You said we were your family the moment you adopted us, we have just as much a right to know about this than anybody!"

"It's none of your business whether your family or not!" Carlisle raged, his face contorting into a twisted mask of rage. "You don't understand anything!" he screamed. Emmett and Rosalie seemed taken aback but Jasper stepped forward, solid and steady as a rock, Alice attached to his arm.

"Then explain it to us Carlisle," he said softly, firmly, "Help us understand what's going on. We can help," he offered gently.

Carlisle shook violently and threw Esme away from him as he sank into the couch, covering his face with his hands. "You can't help," he mumbled, shaking his head slowly. "You can't help," he repeated, "nobody can help her now. I was, stupid, to think I could change anything. He's too powerful to go up against alone and now, now she's all alone again and probably suffering even more all because of me," he cried.

"Suffering?" I snorted as heads turned to look at me. "I doubt it. She's got everything a rich little princess could ever ask for and more. She's so happy there it makes me sick and the only reason you're out here is because of some sad little bullshit story she probably fed you because daddy dearest didn't her the car she wanted for fucking Christmas," I scowled.

Something inside of Carlisle snapped then and he moved faster than my eyes could have possibly tracked and I found myself pushed up against the wall with his hands knotted into the fabric of my shirt, his face glaringly close as a mixture of sadness and anger warred on his face.

"You don't know Edward, you don't a single fucking thing," he said, almost with pity in his voice. "She protected you from so much that you have no fucking clue what she's been going through in that _hell_," he spat. Eventually, sadness seemed to win. "Of everybody, she loved you the most," he said softly, just a breath across my face. My body shook with such an idea.

"Not bloody likely," I returned, trying to put as much venom into my tone as possible. I wouldn't let his pity shake me.

"I can't do this," he shook his head, still holding onto me. "I can't let you go on like this," he breathed. "If anybody, you deserve the truth Edward," he said.

Of course everyone else argued but ultimately Carlisle won. There was no way to argue with such a somber looking man after all. Even Esme was kept out of the loop as he simply explained it would be too much and he didn't want to shock her. There was a look of such fear on his face as he tried to explain why he couldn't tell her that she finally conceded, saying she could wait.

I could see it hurt her not to be trusted as I followed my father upstairs. He turned the shower on and then locked the door before sitting me on the bed, sitting across from me in an old chair. It looked uncomfortable but I don't think his facial expression would have changed that much no matter how comfortable he was.

"Bella wasn't honest with you in those letters she wrote," he said slowly, picking his words carefully. I decided now was not the time to interrupt and I'd let him finish his own story first. "The reason I left so quickly was because of a disturbing call I got from her doctor two weeks ago. Initially I planned on just checking up on her, putting some worries to rest and all," he shrugged. "But then I got a hold of her records and it was so much worse Edward," he trembled, rubbing his face tiredly.

"The family she's with now, they abuse her constantly, more than you can imagine and in such detail that I won't get specific with you," he said. "But, she didn't want to say anything because you were both so young. She was afraid you might get hurt and so she hid it from you, from everyone."

Bella? Abused? No way. I shook my head. I couldn't really be expected to believe all of that crap anyways. It sounded like something out of a bad daytime soap opera. I felt the necklace she'd handed me burning into my palm.

"But the man that adopted her, he's Aro Volturi," Carlisle continued. "His influence in this country is huge and spans over several countries as well. He could crush us all if he wanted to badly enough and no one would ever even find the bodies."

"Why?" I asked slowly, staring at the cold metal locket clenched in my palm. My tight grip on it didn't seem to warm it up at all. "Why are you telling me all of this Carlisle? What do you want me to do?" I demanded.

"I just don't want you to hate her, I don't want you living life thinking she didn't care about us, didn't care about you," he emphasized.

"I-I have to go," I sighed, pulling myself to stand up. "I need to think."

"We're leaving soon, you heard that man, Aro's men could come in at any time," he warned.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," I nodded, stumbling out of the room. "Just give me a few minutes please," I choked out.

"I'm sorry Edward."

His last words haunted me down the halls as I opened the door farthest away and locked it behind me, laying down on the bed and simply breathing, trying to gather all of my thoughts. Why was everybody apologizing lately? I didn't want "sorry." Sorry didn't help me.

Sorry didn't change a damned thing.

I rolled over on the bed and stared up at the ceiling, the necklace dangling from my fingers in the air. I stared as it twirled on the fragile chain and I wondered what she meant by those last few words. Maybe there was something inside? Part of me didn't want to open it, but I'd always been very curious and after everything else today I couldn't see how much harm this one little action could do.

Unfortunately it did a lot.

_Isabella,_

_I hate you. You ruined my life. You took all of my happiness away. I hate you, never write to me again.  
I hate you,  
Edward_

It struck my like a blow to the chest and I found myself gasping for air. The letter. The last letter I'd ever written to her. I'd hated her so much at that time. She'd sounded so happy in her letters that it was like she hadn't missed me at all. I hated her. Hated her leaving me alone. Hated everything.

Loved her even more.

I threw the locket across the room and fisted the scrap in my palm, flinging myself over again as I buried myself in the sheets. Why was this happening to me? Everything had been going fine until, well no, everything had never been fine ever since Bella left. But I'd been getting by at the very least.

I could hear Bella's words echoing in my mind now. _"I've treasured this for a long time; please do not forget these feelings. . . use them to protect yourself."_

What on earth had she meant by that? Was she talking about this? Had she known Carlisle was going to reveal these things to me? What hurt more than the fact that she'd been abused for so long was the fact that she had _treasured_ this venomous letter. Had she really believed this was how I'd felt? I couldn't protect myself with such cruel feelings.

And now, just as suddenly as she'd appeared, she'd been taken away. I couldn't forget that lightless look in her eyes when she saw that man in our home. She looked almost resigned; empty.

Expectant.

Had her life reached such a point for her to have a look like that already? I'd heard of the hopelessness of veterans, old seniors waiting to die in nursing homes- not young, beautiful teenage girls. My skin crawled just thinking about the things that could have happened to her in order for her to already have such an expression.

I sat up and stared at the crumpled note in my palm until the words blurred and streamed together. I had to do something. Anything. I couldn't be this helpless. At the very least I would demand some answers from her.

Bella's POV

"You wouldn't believe the rage Aro's found himself in since you pulled a Houdini princessa," James chuckled, gunning back down the road to hell. "He was ready to tear this country apart to look for you and lo and behold this lowly hunter has tracked his prey yet again," he preened.

James was Aro's best hunter. If someone was missing, he was the first to be called in. There wasn't a person alive that could hide from James if he was determined enough. He was who I'd been worried about the most when Carlisle tried to spirit me away. I should have figured James would have his own methods.

The appearance of daddy's new family had surprised me far more than his own appearance. James I had expected at least.

"Yeah boss, of course I found her have I ever failed you before?" James gloated over the phone.

"I found her not too far from home actually," he grinned slyly, casting a sideways glance at me and my breath caught in my throat. No, he promised them time. He couldn't tell them.

_Anything you want_ I mouthed to him desperately, begging. I couldn't put them in any more danger.

His grin seemed only to spread and I knew I would pay dearly for such a careless promise. Slowly my soul was being broken and fractured; sold to the highest bidder for the safety of a family I could never belong to. How long would I be indebted to James for this?

"It seems little princessa ran away all on her own," he sneered. "Bella's a big girl now, you'll have to keep her on a tighter leash," he advised.

They were safe but I had surely signed my own death warrant.

It was worth it.

They were safe and I was alone.

Nothing had changed.

Everything had changed.

How much worse would the abuse get? At what point would they stop before my screams died to silence? How much closer could Aro keep me? A leash and a collar, a tracking device implanted into my skull. Maybe just a bullet to end everything. I wondered if I could will myself back into death. But then who would protect daddy? His family?

I would protect them.

It was a suicide mission.

But I was already dead.

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**Review! It's important for updates because it makes me want to write more. If I can, I might update tonight. There's two chapters left, and maybe an epilogue ;P**


	10. Pieces

**Hey guys, I'm super sorry about hte wait for this chapter. First I thought I uploaded it, then I found out I hadn't, then, while trying to finish it, I ran into writer's block, and finally was grounded. Anyways, here it is, only one more chapter to go folks ;3**

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**Bella POV**

The first blow made stars pop in my eyes and sent me crashing to the floor with my head bouncing on the polished wood. Aro stood above me with the most frightening expression I'd ever seen. My stomach wheezed as I tried to draw in air. He hadn't touched my face though. Only Caius ever tried that once and still had the scar from the hole that had been shot in his hand for it.

He yanked me up with a grip on my throat that would bruise in hours as he fished a piece of black material from the inside of his jacket. My hands were secured behind me and he wrapped the metal thing around my throat. Originally it had only been a symbolic thought but apparently Aro had decided to pluck such an idea from my mind as he tightened the collar a hair away from being uncomfortable around my throat.

He held his hand up and displayed a thin black metal ring around his wrist. Small LED lights danced around it and I gulped, swallowing past the matching band currently wrapped around my neck.

"You try anything like that again Isabella and you will pay with your life. For now, around your neck is a bit of insurance so I don't have to take it so far. Around the house is a special censor designed to alert me the second you step outside of the door. You have three seconds to get back inside before the collar takes care of the problem for me by conveniently delivering 50,000 volts of electricity directly into your neck," he grinned sadistically. "And if for some reason that _doesn't_ stop and or kill you, there is also a device to track your location anywhere in the world."

With 50,000 volts dumped into my body at the neck I'd definitely be dead so I found the tracking chip redundant. That much electricity so close to both my heart and brain? Aro was famous for his temper. He'd just decided to kill me a bit more painfully.

"Your new doctor will be performing house calls and if you want to plant and flowers they'll be growing inside from now on. Even inside of the house, if you get more than two hundred feet away, a slightly more pleasant 30,000 volts will be delivered unless I set it otherwise for some reason or another," he smiled, stroking the side of my face.

"Do you understand Isabella?" he asked in a maddened sort of tone. "If you ever try to run away like that again, it is the equivalent of suicide. I won't personally kill you, but that collar will. And if it doesn't," he snarled, "I will hunt you down like the little bitch you are and make sure you know what is to cross the Volturi's twice."

I nodded numbly, feeling the cold metal tighten almost imperceptibly around my throat. It was as if Death itself now had me in its hands, the skeletal chill and impending doom hovering around me, settling like a snake hidden in the brush.

"James, I want to speak to you privately in my office," he said shortly. "Isabella, you are confined to your rooms for now, I'll deal with you later."

I didn't even nod as I moved up the stairs, left to my own devices. I fingered the cold metal bar wrapped around my throat and slowly wiped away the last memories I had with daddy with every stroke. I couldn't afford to hope, couldn't afford to dream. There was only this nightmare, this cruel reality.

I stripped out of my clothes and took a shower, briefly wondering if maybe the collar might go shock me anyways for being in contact with water but it didn't seem to have any effects as I rid myself of the scent of lemonade and daddy.

I went through my bathroom things and choked on the smell of strawberries. I dressed in a lacy gown without panties and curled up on my bed to read. It was as if the rest of the day hadn't happened at all. This was my life, this was what I was used to.

I curled up to sleep after a while and woke as a sickeningly familiar paper hand slid up my thigh. I turned to face Aro in the dark of my room and I could still smell the strawberries, cloying, choking, numbing. I missed the fresh lemons.

No, I reprimanded myself. I could not want for such things. As his body slid over mine I swallowed back my revulsion. His grin split the night as his words whispered over my skin with the sensation of a hundred crawling spiders. "Good girl Bella," he purred and I just barely managed to hold in my tremors.

His fingers slid over my body and I wanted to vomit. Bile choked the back of my throat and I was afraid I might lose the contents of my stomach in a matter of seconds. His whispery lips traveling over my exposed skin and my stomach clench as I tried to keep my breathing even. It used to be so easy. How long since this had affected me?

What if he had to use the handcuffs again? The gagball? Tears almost sprang to my eyes at the thought of that. I wanted to thrash and buck and scream, but nothing would come of it. No one was coming to save me. I was alone. Always had been.

Someone pounded on the door, apologizing and calling a warning at the same time as Aro hissed, withdrawing to yell at the interloper as I scampered off the bed, crawling into the bathroom and emptying my guts into the toilet as I cried, my body shaking violently as I tried to hold my hair away from my face. It felt so wrong, so wrong, so completely, utterly, disgustingly wrong.

I vomited until my stomach was convulsing on itself and there was only water and bile left. Then I rocked back against the cool tile, resting my head against the wall as I breathed. Aro came in then and gave me a maddening grin. He seemed almost giddy actually as I stared up at him, my stomach churning emptily.

"Well love, it seems like we've got ourselves a special guest to entertain tonight," he chirped, his voice cracking with glee. "Clean yourself up a little and come and see. I'm sure you'll love to meet him."

I sat up shakily and dragged myself over to the sink, rinsing my mouth out and washing my face as I pulled my hair back. Who could be here so late and have Aro looking like a five year old trapped in a candy store? I wasn't even sure if I wanted to meet someone like that. Trepidation flooded my body as I fixed my clothes and glanced outside.

Clouds rolled over the night sky, hiding the silvery cheshire grin of the crescent moon as leaves stirred with a chilling wind and animals hunkered down. An early season storm brewing maybe. They happened sometimes and the air felt as charged a lightning rod when it did.

I pattered down the stairs quickly, anxious to get this over with and nearly doubled over when I saw the shock of bronze hair. The fiery emerald eyes turned to me, filled with questions, wide with shock. He couldn't be here. He wasn't supposed to be here. Everything I had done was for him! Why would he come here!? Everything I'd worked for would be reduced to nothing in a matter of seconds.

**Edward POV**

She didn't look happy at all when she came down those stairs. As a matter of fact, I'd say she looked downright sick. I'd followed only half an hour after James had left, how much could have happened in that time? I noticed she was running her hand along her neck and realized she was wearing a collar. A collar! How dare the vile bastard, she wasn't a dog! He couldn't just put a collar around her to have at his beck and call.

Inside I was seething while trying to look calm on the outside. I didn't doubt this spineless monster would kill me if I showed any signs of attacking. Now that I was here, I wasn't sure about what came next. I wasn't sure what I was expecting, but this wasn't it. I hadn't expected to be caught so fast. I'd have to wing from now.

"I wanted…" I rasped, my throat. I shut my mouth and swallowed, trying again. "I wanted to talk to you," I managed to say. "I have some questions," I tried to sound casual.

Aro's eyes flickered for a moment between the two of us before her grinned evilly. "Questions for my Isabella?" he cocked an eyebrow. "And just how do you know her?" he asked.

"We knew each other before you adopted me," Bella voiced, refusing to meet my eyes.

Suddenly he reared his hand back and smacked her across the face, drawing blood as she hit the wall. "I didn't ask you bitch, you speak when spoken too or did your day of freedom go to your head?" he growled. Spinning back to face me, I carefully schooled my expression back to blankness. He couldn't be allowed to see the anger rising up inside of me. "Now, how do you know her?" he asked again, eyes narrowed to slits.

"We grew up together in foster care," I managed to say, hiding my trembling hands behind my back.

"If memory serves though, that was quite some time ago," Aro sighed, rubbing his temples as if in thought. "What prompted you to show up at my house now, in the middle of the evening no less?" he questioned, watching me carefully.

"I was too young to visit before," I lied coolly. "I'm sixteen now and I thought I could use a road trip up here, I didn't expect it to be so late," I continued.

"But you two have been out of contact for a long time," he drawled lazily, knowing already my story was fake. "Why all of a sudden, without so much as even a phone call in warning?" he smiled innocently.

"Well-" I started.

"It was a rhetorical question boy," he sneered, his face twisting into a horrible mask. "I'm tired of you spouting this useless nonsense. I already know the truth," he snarled. "You are the one who helped Bella escape!" he snarled, pointing a bony finger at me, eyes livid. "Or tried to," he mocked. "And then you come here, to my house! To try to take my property! Again!" he screeched.

"Well boy, you fucked with the wrong man. No one makes me look like the fool, and no takes what's mine." He looked beyond my shoulder and jeered. "Bring me my gun Dmitri, there's a good man. I'll take care of this problem personally, right now," he growled.

I felt myself freeze in place for a second. Oh god, this man was going to kill me. Really kill me. I'd always seen those mob movies where the guy touches the don's boss and is killed, but that stuff isn't supposed to happen in real life. I looked at Bella where she was curled up on the floor, looking nearly dead except for the tears that ran down her cheeks. She seemed so helpless- so hopeless.

And I couldn't do anything about it if they killed me. I finally managed to free myself from the paralysis but was thrown back by the blonde man; James, as he knocked me to the floor. He wrestled me to the ground and I was no match for someone who did this sort of thing for a living. I got a few good shots in but he slammed my head into the hardwood floor enough times that I wasn't sure which of the three copies I was seeing was him.

I heard the gun click and turned to face the sound sickly, my head throbbing with pain but I could see the man clearly.

"Stand him up," Aro snarled.

James forced me to my feet, twisting my arms up behind me so it hurt to move.

"This is going to be messy boy, I have to make you pay for what you did," he grinned sickly. "If you'd just been another opponent, maybe I'd do a quick through and through inside your skull, but you tried to take what was mine, tried to take my treasure," he breathed heavily, spittle flying from his lips as he aimed the gun at my leg. "So now I'm going to take you apart, piece by fucking piece."

The gun went off with a loud bang and pain exploded in my leg as I screamed. White hot agony blazed through my mind as I stumbled, supported then only by the force James was exerting on my arms. I could literally feel the bone shatter in my knee as I cried. There was no way to describe the way it felt.

There was another report just as I was beginning to see clearly again and this time I fell to my knees, ignorant of James's hold on my arms. There was no way to stand on my legs. I could hear everyone laughing as I screamed and cried at once, trembling on the ground.

"Those legs will keep you from running off with my property ever again," he giggled. "Not that you'll live long enough to try." He fired again and something shattered in my arm as the bullet lanced through my shoulder. I think I screamed again, but pain was drowning out everything but this sick, sadistic man's evil voice. My ears rang with the echo and I vomited on the floor, unable to contain it as I cried.

The next shot went through my other arm and I was being held up from collapsing on the floor by a grip on the back of my shirt, choking me. Steps came closer and Aro was right in front of my face, avoiding the mess I'd made already.

He pressed the warm barrel to my forehead. "Now your arms won't ever be able to take what's mine again," he chuckled. "Then again," he mused, cocking the gun back, "I'll have to make sure your mind never even _thinks_ about crossing me ever again."

I closed my eyes and waited, just wanting it all to end.

"Stop!"

Her scream rang higher than any gunshot as Bella raced forward, grabbing Aro's arm, pushing his gun down. "Please stop," she sobbed, holding onto his arm with all her strength I guessed, her entire little body trembling. I could taste blood in my mouth and managed to spit it out. She wouldn't be able to stop him. I could see why she pushed me away now. I wouldn't have been to stop him either.

No one could.

"I'll never run away again, I promise, please, just, don't kill him, just, please, no," she sobbed.

"Aww," he cooed sickly. "Do you love this man my little Bella?"

"No, no," she shook her head. "Only you Aro, only you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, please don't kill him," she cried.

"Lying bitch," he sneered. "I know you love him, but this, this is useful," he smiled and I felt a tremor run down my spine, freezing me to the core. "I still have to punish you Bella, and I think I found a way to make sure you never leave my side again."

His eyes flashed back to me, then up to James. "Cauterize his wounds and make sure he doesn't bleed to death. Beyond that, I don't much care, keep him in the basement and I'll fetch him in the morning," he said. What was he thinking I wondered as James nodded, dragging me back as I was unable to stand.

"And you Bella, tomorrow morning, in front of the rest of the Cullen's, you're going to kill him."

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**I just might get the next chapter up tonight, I've already started working on it because I know how I want it to go, sorry if you hate me for this chapter, I would understand x_x**


	11. Black

**Ha! I did get up, in like an hour too, that's gotta be a record. Then again, this is a bit shorter than my others, sorry about that x-x Not sure how you'll take this chapter, the epilogue comes next ;3 This whole thing is in Bella's POV**

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I felt numb, so numb inside it hurt to breathe, like I was trying to inhale ice. Edward's screams still rang in my ears, but then, so did Aro's. I stumbled after him into my room where he went to pick things up before being interrupted. As if he hadn't just shot Edward downstairs, probably crippling him for life if he didn't proper medical attention soon.

I was lucky I'd been able to keep him from killing Edward tonight. But what about tomorrow? He had sent everyone after the Cullens now. He didn't have to worry about security. I had a collar that kept me from leaving his side, and Edward couldn't even walk. Not that I would leave Edward behind anyways. And he knew, he knew everything. Just like he always knew.

I turned on my side and cried. Looking outside, my body thrumming with a growing current. The gunshots had scared off wildlife, the night was completely still. With the impending storm, black clouds blotted out the moon and stars. Living in the middle of nowhere, there were no streetlights of passing cars. It was pitch black outside.

For once, it matched my mood completely.

I tried to sleep and kept seeing myself killing Edward over and over again. Saw the Cullens march up one by one to their execution. Saw them being tortured, heard them screaming. I thrashed around and bit my lips until it bled while I tried to keep quiet.

Darkness crept up on me. An inky black, immeasurable darkness without a pinprick of light. I floated it, disconnected from my own body. I couldn't see, there was nothing. I wasn't sure if my eyes were open or close. I couldn't feel, there was only a never-ending void surrounding me. Or maybe it was a coffin sized box and I just wasn't moving. This level of darkness was beyond anything I had felt before. It pressed in around me, suffocating me, choking me with its nothingness.

Slowly I felt something shifting inside of me, inside of the tattered remnants of my soul. The darkness twisted around me, writhing with unbidden screams. Whispers burrowed themselves in my mind, beckoning, entreating, promising a way to escape.

They danced on the edges of my vision, invisible, grotesquely beautiful. Their madness filled me, twirled inside me, filled my body with a whole new sensation. Instead of numb, my body felt every change in pressure, opened up, and burned.

Hate.

Hate, malice, pain, torture; everything bubbled up inside, boiling over, spilling from every pore. It bound me, wrapped its way around me the way a lover's body would, twining in and out. Comforting, loving, protecting. An iron shield woven of silk.

It pierced my body, reaching sweetly for my heart, grasping it, poisoning it- healing it. Black seeped into the punctures, pulsing into every vein, filling my every breath with its evil. Evil drenched my body and I let it.

Sharp tendrils of hope and hate; bound to one another as the same, flowed from my body, probing, searching. Cold seeped into my core, touch and feeling returned. Smooth, sharp, cold metal. Soft pressure and a welling release.

Ruby permeated the shield of night. Drops of blood rained from my finger. Red blood. Human blood. Demons whispered playfully, angels prompted questioningly.

Did Aro bleed red?

A fitted black handle, gray with its unmatched black surrounding me. The flash of a silver smile. Ruby stains along the edge. I drew my tongue across its surface, tasting metal, emptiness. Tasting what was left of me.

Black receded to night, a lighter dark than was within my mind. Hordes of demons rumbled outside the window as thunder rolled. Waiting, watching, hungry. Hungry for his blood.

Would he bleed?

Bleed the way he made Edward bleed? Bleed the way I bled? The knife smiled in my hand, begging me for more. Urging me to discover the truth. Would it be black? Or perhaps there was nothing left inside of him at all. Maybe there wasn't.

The knife would help me to discover the truth.

Slowly I prowled up the stairs, the night sky watching over like a demented guardian. I had so many of those.

I opened the door and found the man asleep, a lump of darker shadow amongst the unlit room. I didn't wait for him to wake up, I didn't have any soul stirring speech for him. Only a question.

A question he didn't need to be alive to answer.

I stabbed the knife into his chest, feeling it cut through skin and muscle, cracking bone, spilling blood. Rich, black blood. Poisonous blood.

A small giggle petered out as I drew a line down his chest, opening it up. Clouds stirred outside, and the mood faded through the thinnest of them, showing the crimson color.

No fair. He almost looked human that way.

I went to the window and covered it, plunging the room back into darkness. I stared at the corpse on my bed, felt the slick wetness, stared at the black ink staining my fingers. Again and again, I opened him up, watching rivers of black flow out. So much, so much black, so much evil.

At night, his blood ran black like the monster he was. I looked at my wounded hand and frowned. That was black too. He'd poisoned me. Made me a monster like him. But that didn't matter. If I had light, it would be red. It would be human.

I was still alive, I could have all the light I wanted, I could have red blood.

Aro was trapped her in the dark with his dark blood. I remembered how he'd treated Edward and growled.

I sawed through his hands. "So you never touch another girl again," I whispered.

I stabbed into his pelvis. "So you never rape another girl again," I shook.

I gouged his eyes. "So you never look at another girl again," I trembled.

I split his face. "So you never smile at another girl again," I hissed.

I slit his throat. "So you never speak to another girl again," I spat.

I pierced his skull.

"So you never think of hurting _anyone_ ever again."

I stared at the blood seeping from every wound, evil black, poisonous blood. Blood that covered me, ran through me. I felt sick, dirty, disgusted. I didn't want this blood. Didn't want it at all.

I stumbled out of the room, my ears ringing. Was this it? Was that all it had taken? I picked up the phone shaking, lights blazing in every room, lighting my blood up red. I stared at the blood. I needed the proof. Red blood. Not black. Not his. Never his.

Never again.

I dialed 911. I wasn't done.

"911, what is your emergency?" the operator spoke automatically.

I couldn't help giggle, trying to answer. Emergency? He was dead. Did that count?

"Ma'am, prank calling emergency services is a federal crime, you can go to jail for this," the lady snapped.

"But it's not an emergency," I laughed, sinking down on the kitchen floor, shaking as I laughed, marveling at the red blood. "He's already dead," I giggled. "He's dead, dead, dead, DEAD!" I screeched into the phone. "Finally dead, it's not an emergency anymore," I snickered.

"Ma'am, I'm going to need you to calm down. It sounds like your going into hysterics now. Can you tell me where you are, are you alone?" the operator questioned worriedly. "I'm going to dispatch somebody right now, just stay on the line."

"Hysterics?" I asked. "Hysterics!? Of course I'm going into hysterics, it's hysterical!" I screeched. "He's dead after all and isn't that just hysterical? I go through all of this for nine years, nearly die dozens of times, and now he's dead, just dead. He shot Edward and now he's dead!" I screamed, bubbling up. "I'm in hell don't you know?" I tittered. "I've been in hell for so long, but now the devil's dead and I'm alone. Always alone, always been alone," I laughed at her. "You're alone too you know, we're all alone. The boy in the basement is alone, I'm alone, you're alone, and the whole world is fucking alone!" I screamed at her, crying now.

"We've traced the signal and I'm sending emergency paramedics right now, they should be there soon," the lady said, sounding a bit shaken. "Just please, calm down."

"Emergency?" I whispered into the mouth piece quietly. "Emergency, it's not an emergency!" I shouted at her. "He's already dead, tell them to take their time, pick up some food, enjoy the scenery, can't do much for the dead!" I laughed. Then I remembered.

"No, hurry, hurry! Someone's in the basement, he's been shot, Bang!" I screamed at her. "Shot so many times, and he kept screaming and screaming, teleport here if you can, he can't die!" I screeched. "I won't let him die!"

"Ma'am, ma'am, please calm down," the operator soothed, "they'll be there as soon as they can. I need to know, are you injured?" she asked.

"I am calm!" I yelled at her. "I am so calm, monks are jealous of my calmness! You're the one that needs to stop being so calm and hurry up! Be afraid; be worried, it makes you faster. Faster, faster, go fucking faster! Don't be calm, he's dying, don't you even care!?" I screamed at her. "Now is not the time to remain calm, now is when you race down the freaking streets like hell itself is chasing after you!" I howled.

People burst through the door, clamoring loudly, I couldn't make sense of it, they found me screaming at the phone and pried it away from me, checking me over. I wrenched away from them.

"I'm fine! Fine, fine, fine!" I bellowed. "I'm always fine! Downstairs, go downstairs. He's in the basement, hurry!" I beat at them as they continued trying to examine me. "He was shot dammit!" I cursed. "Don't worry about me! Do I look like I've been shot to you!? I'm just the hysterical one, worry about me later, save him!" I yelled, pointing them at the door. Finally they rushed off to the basement, bringing up a pale Edward, his body mangled, just breathing on a respirator as the two traded medical jargon as if it was remotely understandable.

Another medical team hurried in. "Where's the other man, you said one was dead?" they questioned, peering at me as I rocked back and forth on the forth, marveling at the drying blood on my arms.

"He's upstairs," I smiled. "In my bedroom, second door on your left," I said quietly. "No hurry though, he's already dead, you won't be bringing him back to life with all the technology in the world," I smiled. "Just worry about Edward, save Edward, I don't care about anybody else, just him," I enunciated.

Two men raced upstairs and another one of them remained with me. "Okay, can you tell me what happened here ma'am? Is that your blood?" he asked.

"Edward was shot, the devil died. All of this is my blood," I smiled, answering them all in a row. "It has to be my blood, because it's red blood. The devil doesn't bleed red, that would make him human," I shook my head. "And he can't be human, he's a monster," I hissed.

"I bleed red!" I pronounced, clutching at the man, making him face me directly. "I bleed red! Edward bleeds red! He's not allowed to bleed red!" I cried. "He can't bleed red.

As the men carried Aro downstairs I shook my head in refusal, his blood changing in the light. "No!" I roared. "His blood can't be red! He can't have red blood! He's a monster, the devil! He's not human! He can't be human!"

"Ma'am, calm down, calm down, breathe," the medic soothed as something pricked my arm. I looked down to see he'd injected me with something. Suddenly the world was spinning all around me and all I could see was red. I began to feel sleepy. MY hold on his collar loosened.

"Hey," I smiled, whispering to him, beckoning him closer as he cradled me in his arms. "You wanna know a secret?" I asked, my eyes fluttering closed as the sedative worked its way through my system.

"Yes?" he answered, looking at me worriedly.

"When you cut him in the dark, his blood is black," I giggled. "Just like mine."

The red began to receded with shadows.

"Truth is, we're both monsters."

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**So? What did you think? Bella went a little crazy after everything and it sort of made her snap I guess. It was fun writing, my fingers were flying over the keyboard to keep up with my brain. I demand a review for this chapter. I want at least fifteen reviews on this one or you'll never know what happens to everyone! Dx Meanie face I know, but I'm so lcose to 100 I can taste it!**


	12. Love

**Alright folks, you've definitely surpassed my 100 review goal and I just got my computer back last night, so sorry for the wait I know you've all been on the edge of your seats waiting for this. It's much shorter than the others, it being the epilogue after all, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. I had to keep it realistic you understand, but I'm not completely heartless. So without further adieu, I give you the final chapter of Believe, I'm glad you've all stuck with me so far and I hope I don't disappoint.**

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"_After reviewing testimony and presented evidence, we the people of the Chicago Court do sentence you, Isabella Marie Volturi, to two years in the psychiatric ward of the juvenile detention center until you reach the age of eighteen in which, provided you pass the psychiatric evaluations, you will be released and your record expunged."_

_The gavel had rung with such finality, such a crack like thunder. Zeus wielding his bolt in the courtroom. Of course now justice would be provided. Never mind my years of suffering and no one doing a gods damned thing about it. Considering it was murder though, brutal at that, and of one of the most influential figures in America, it was the best they could do to help me._

"_And," she continued, "it is the court's best interest that upon your release you enter the witness protection program in order to prevent you from any further harm and or retaliation the Volturi family may try to exact against you."_

_I could only nod my head and bow meekly at the great imperial judge sitting on her throne, waiting to leave. We had bet my case on a plea of temporary insanity to reduce the sentence as much as possible. It helped that I hadn't been all too stable when those paramedics showed up. I was still on a mix of Xanax, Valium, and Ativan while my new doctor tried to work out what worked best and in which doses. They kept me out of it mostly, but I noticed during my therapy sessions when they quizzed me drug free I wasn't exactly put together properly._

_I started noticing things about myself, behaviors I'd developed. I suppose I'd lost something of myself the night I killed Aro but I would never regret it. Taking some pills to regulate my moods was a small price to pay for freedom ._

Unconsciously, I burned the red mark wrapped around my throat, my fingers running over the scar as I floated in my past. When the paramedics had tried to take me from the house, I'd nearly died when the collar electrocuted me. At first they thought maybe I was having a panic attack and kept trying to carry me outside which only made things worse as I literally smelt my flesh burning.

It didn't help that my body conducted the electric current into them and they dropped me while I tried to crawl my way back to the safety of hell. I was barely conscious, probably insane, and my heart was seconds from giving out when I made inside almost ten minutes later though I'd only been feet away in the first place.

They'd had to call in the fire department to cut the collar off of me and by then the damage was done. Let's just say the 50,000 volts of electricity coursing through my body for a sixth of an hour hadn't improved my mental health any.

I managed to cling to my last remaining shreds of humanity and sanity with a handful of pills and a folded little letter.

Finally, I turned from the window and went back to my room. It the psyche ward, people weren't much for company. And the ones that were gave up trying to talk to me after a while. Instead, I found my last remaining personal items and smiled, kissing the locket now carrying a picture of Edward.

This time though, only part of the letter fit inside of it. The rest of the letter I shook out to read over again. I would never tire of reading it. Not even when I was a century old and blind and dying. The words weren't just on the paper. They were in my mind. In my soul. They made everything bearable the way his letters had always made things bearable.

Dear Bella,

There's so much I want to say that I don't think cutting down every tree in the world would give me enough paper to describe it all. I don't think are words for everything I feel, especially for how I feel about you.

Dad says he's not surprised about the sentencing, but he's not happy either. Esme cried for days when we finally told her the truth about you. She was angry at first, because we hadn't told her, but then she seemed to just shut down like when you first left all over again. It hurt to watch, but nothing compared to the pain I felt losing you myself. To her, you're like a daughter. To me, well, you're so much more. You are the sun and the sky, the clouds, the mountains, the trees, the earth itself and everything that makes it up. You are life, my life, my soul and everything beautiful in the universe. In those few minutes I had you back in my life, I felt complete, like I belonged, like I fit. I'll never regret going after you.

The doctor's say I'll regain the use of my arms soon enough and I'll play something for you on the piano when you get out. My legs though are a bit of a lost cause. They say I might be confined to a wheelchair the rest of my life. That's okay though, because I don't need to walk. Not if you're by my side. There'd be no need to go anywhere.

You'll be eighteen when you get out, an adult. You won't have a past, and your present will probably be a little fucked up, but I want to know, have to ask, if you'll think about having a future with me? This isn't the way I intended to ask you, but so much has happened and I don't much care about tradition or waiting anymore. I don't acknowledge the life you had in the years we were apart. I'd like to think we could pick up where we left off, playing house in the yard. I know you'll be entering the witness protection program when you get out, you'll have to leave everything behind. Thing is, since they know my face, I was planning on going in with you, if you'll have me. I figure if you say no, then it doesn't matter if every Volturi in the country storms in and kills me dead right now because living without you isn't living at all.

We wouldn't have a family or a past, and maybe we'd get stuck with an unpredictable future, but we would have one together. That's got to count for something right? We could start our own family maybe even, though I'd be happy with just you for the rest of my life.

You have two years to think it over and I'll be counting the seconds.

Love,

Edward

P.S. That letter you gave me, I ended up burning it. Here's a new one.

Dear Bella,

I love you. You made my life worth living. Just being around you makes me happy. I love you, I miss you.

I love you,

Edward

* * *

**So, I might have made it longer with some other details and time skipping fun, but, I love you all too much to spoil it so completely. Instead, I'm going to do. . .A SEQUEL! Maybe ._. Unless you think I should drop it here and not have some Volturi vengeance fun. So Review darlings and let me know if you want to see it or dream of your own perfect la-la land for these two because god knows I'll keep giving them a rough time x-x**


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